I guess this is on my mind. I'm in edits for The Longest Night. A solstice BDSM story... humiliation is part of how the two guys like to play. But sometimes one person's humiliation is another's happy place. More on this story in other posts. It should be out toward the end of 2019. But back to humiliation....
Humiliation can be part of BDSM play and usually falls under edgeplay.
The usual Sane, Safe and Consensual rules may not apply because this activity can cause mental anguish and/or can triggering. The humiliation may have some unforeseen impacts.
This means the Dom/Master/Top should do more of a RACK assessment (risk-aware consensual kink) to mitigate the unintended consequences of this activity. Humiliation (by its very nature) is a potentially damaging activity which is why care should be taken.
Those in charge of the scene need to negotiate the scope of the humiliation with the submissive. Where are the limits, soft spots, and deliciousness so the Master/Dom/Top knows how to proceed.
They need to determine: What’s hot? What’s not? What harms and what doesn’t even register.
Dom/Master/Tops need to be mindful of past traumas experienced by the sub and how it is connected to the humiliation. Self-esteem issues in to be considered.
Talking with the sub is key to understanding how best to make humiliation work for them and to achieve the desired goal.
Why Would Anyone Want to be Humiliated?
I hear the question without even you asking it because usually in day-to-day life that’s something most people avoid.
Though there are people in the world that have a deep desire to be made to feel embarrassed (humiliated) or even to be dehumanized (treated like an inanimate object or animal). The same parts of the brain that are affected by physical pain are stimulation by humiliation. If physical pain excites the sub, humiliation might also have the same effect.
Like much of BDSM activities, humiliation is about pushing your limits. In some cases, you are taking the power of the action (humiliation) back. Owning the humiliation and turning it into a more positive energy can empower the sub.
Humiliation can put the sub in an extremely submissive position. The Dom/Master/Top doing this humiliating thing to the sub/slave/bottom gives them the pleasure of being “put in their place” so they can worship their Master/Dom/Top better. It’s a mind fuck.
With the power we exchange in BDSM is about trusting someone to do something humiliating to them and then bringing them though the other side where we are stronger for having gone through it.
Some people just get off on mental pain.
It’s freeing to do some of the role playing. Things that you would never want to be called outside a scene could light your hidden fires.
During the power exchange with the Master/Dom they can get that need met in a “safe” way.
Exploring in a safe contained environment can be healing and empowering.
Some examples of Humiliation
Using words as insults, name calling, ridiculing the sub, forcing the sub to say things that may not be true (forced flattery) or things they don’t want to admit, mockery, public scolding or belittling.
At a BDSM club, I witnessed a sub being told he had a tiny dick. His Mistress started off whispering to him, then to others. Then she started laughing at him. She berated him for his little cock and told him how it was too small to satisfy anyone.
Based on his blush, and demeanor (head down unable to meet anyone’s gaze, etc.) he was totally humiliated in front of the small group of people watching him.
He had an erection as he apologized for his “tiny” (appearing quite averaged sized) penis. (He didn’t cry but it was a possibly.)
The sub was able to explore being ridiculed in a contained environment about something that (maybe) was worrying/upsetting for him in a safe way, and while it made him embarrassed it also got him off. He faced his fear, and afterwards he seemed happier.
Some examples of physical humiliation: spitting, golden showers (urinating on the person), ejaculating on sub’s body/face, forced penetration, micro-management (needing permission to use the bathroom, eat, anything), kneeling, collar and leash, body worship, or having your hair cut.
As always humiliation is very individualized to the sub. Keep in mind what might be humiliating to one sub might not even register as discomfort for another.
I spoke to someone about golden showers and for him, it had nothing to do with humiliation for him it was receiving something from the man’s body. It was joyous and made him happy. Someone else would find that degrading.
Here’s a video I thought was pretty good.
Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.