Thursday, February 25, 2016

The Bathroom Issue

.... Really I can't imagine there are people stupid enough to be believe society needs to police the bathrooms. Yet legislators continue to create bills to make it illegal for people to use the bathroom appropriate for them (be that based on gender identity or assigned sex at birth or there's no line and I've got to go NOW!). Allow people to go to the bathroom where they are most comfortable.

I lived in China for six years... Most public restrooms had no soap, no hot water, no western toilets, no toilet paper and sometimes no doors... I've squat over gullies in the floor operated by gravity... I've had my foot peed on by someone else... I've thrown up in my mouth over the smell and condition of some of the restrooms I've visited... but not once did it occur to me to give two shits about what the gender identity or assigned sex at birth of the people who were suffering with me.

For those who are confused... A bathroom is to void liquid and solid waste. To wash up and clean your lunch off your shirt... maybe run a brush through your hair. Your responsibilities in a shared bathroom are pass the toilet paper if a person is out, clean up after yourself and wash your hands. I really think most humans are capable of that...

The beautiful Zinnia Jones breaks it down for us. (And yeah she's a bit harsh on cis-people but I understand the anger... and I'm sure she knows all cis-gender people are not the enemy.)

This month South Dakota is the first to pass a bill outlawing transgender public school students from using restrooms and locker rooms consistent with their gender identities. Take a moment to imagine the pain this will cause...  However Charlotte North Carolina city counselor has passed an ordinance which allows transgender people to use the bathroom they would be most comfortable in... Though Gov. McCrory thinks he has nothing better to do than to try to stop this...

All I can ask my Pretties is if you're in a conversation with someone spurting nonsense help educate them. Understanding = acceptance = everyone being safer.

Hugs, Z.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

BDSM Cures

Cue the eye roll...
Stay with me Pretty ones.

(as always results will vary based on individual differences)

1) Some people use BDSM as a break. There's no thinking when you hit deep subspace. You're completely in the moment. At times it can be an almost meditative state (comparable to yoga). Top & subspace or the flow as some refer to it reduces stress hormones.

>>> In Zombies Suck Cutter needs this peace so his mind can find a different path for dealing with negative influences. Does it stop him from cutting? No but it gives him alternative stimulation which is big enough to drown out the desire to harm himself (& btw finding something to distract yourself from cutting is part of most treatment plans for someone who self abuses).
2) BDSM can release endorphins which are protein molecules. Endorphins regulate pain, stress, and cravings.

3) There was a study published a few years ago suggested BDSM couples "felt more secure in their relationships and had an increased sense of well-being. They were more conscientious toward others, more extraverted, more open to trying new experiences, had decreased anxiety, and were less sensitive to others perception. Interestingly, they were also more aware of their own sexual needs but less agreeable.((

4) The same study suggested couple felt closer after a successful scenes.

 I do believe the troupe of BDSM healing all is based in reality (at least in my experience and opinion).

This is a simple bracelet... but for someone with anxiety it can remind them of the calm they experience when secured with rope as well as give them some of the benefits BDSM has been shown to give.

And if the bracelet isn't enough of a reminder they open up into sturdy cuffs.
They come in various colors and designs.  I worked with a charming man who custom made these for me. His website is

On March 15 the book I referred to above Zombies Suck returns to the world's bookshelf all polished up and pretty.

Zombies Suck Blurb:
Forget undead corpses searching for brains. These zombies crave a different kind of head that keeps them young forever. Club Zombie offers safe haven, providing sexy ways to extract what they need from patrons, and the opportunity to find their destined mate.

Alex Waterman is ashamed of his “vile, unnatural desires” and lives a in a desolate world of loneliness and suffering until discovering… it’s not his life. Suddenly he’s swept away to a place where his desires aren't evil, they’re a mark of the dominant he’s born to be, and appreciative stares and aggressive flirting replace fear and self-loathing. But one night stands aren’t on the menu: Alex seeks “the one” to complete the missing piece of his soul.

Boy-next-door Ulrich calls to Alex, as does the gorgeous but self-destructive Cutter, and an element of irresistible danger clings to bad boy Storm. How can Alex decide between three tempting possibilities?

Maybe he should keep them all…

                                                          Pre-Order Link:          Zombies Suck

Hugs, Z.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

No Longer Color Blind

I remember when I was 4 yrs old sitting with my mommy sorting M&Ms by color before eating them one at a time... saving the orange for last because those were the best. (Yes, even at 4 yrs old I was a tad on the obsessive compulsive side of the spectrum.) My mother (who was an amazingly sweet wonderful person) tipped my world when she showed me how much prettier my groupings would be if I mixed up the colors into an M&M rainbow. That was my first lesson in diversity.

I grew believing not seeing color was the best way to fight racism. So I didn't notice when as I going through school each year there were less and less diversity until only a handful of African American kids were in my graduating class.

This next piece is swiped directly from:

Incarceration Trends in America
  • From 1980 to 2008, the number of people incarcerated in America quadrupled-from roughly 500,000 to 2.3 million people
  • Today, the US is 5% of the World population and has 25% of world prisoners.
  • Combining the number of people in prison and jail with those under parole or probation supervision, 1 in ever y 31 adults, or 3.2 percent of the population is under some form of correctional control
Racial Disparities in Incarceration
  • African Americans now constitute nearly 1 million of the total 2.3 million incarcerated population
  • African Americans are incarcerated at nearly six times the rate of whites
  • Together, African American and Hispanics comprised 58% of all prisoners in 2008, even though African Americans and Hispanics make up approximately one quarter of the US population
  • According to Unlocking America, if African American and Hispanics were incarcerated at the same rates of whites, today's prison and jail populations would decline by approximately 50%
  • One in six black men had been incarcerated as of 2001. If current trends continue, one in three black males born today can expect to spend time in prison during his lifetime
  • 1 in 100 African American women are in prison
  • Nationwide, African-Americans represent 26% of juvenile arrests, 44% of youth who are detained, 46% of the youth who are judicially waived to criminal court, and 58% of the youth admitted to state prisons (Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice).
Now I realize not all the kids I went to grade school and middle school with were in jail but it makes me understand that while I had the privilege of being color blind people of color do not. 

Another statistic: 35% of black children grades 7-12 have been suspended or expelled at some point in their school careers compared to 20% of Hispanics and 15% of whites (from same link as above).

John Oliver explored how mandatory minimums have affected people of color in a devastating way.

Over Thanksgiving I got a speed ticket. It was unfair but I paid the $288 ignoring the 8 lawyer's offices who magically knew I'd gotten a ticket and could help me fight it. I'm lucky enough to be in a position to pay the ticket... but what if I wasn't... I could easily see how someone without the funds could spiral downward... and since I live in the South (where yes racism is still very much a thing) what if my skin color wasn't pasty white?

I recently passed a sign in a work zone that threatened speeders with a $1000 fine and 30 days... 30 days!!!! How does one keep a job? What if one falls into the category that doesn't get a pass...

We can no longer afford to be color blind. Let's take off the glasses and see things as they are... Educate yourself. Vote to change things.

Hugs, Z.