Sunday, November 23, 2014

Isn’t Ladyboy A Bad Word?

In the Thailand the words: ladyboy & kathoey are something many aspire to become. Transgender is a new and Western word. It’s not in popular use.

My opinion on this matter is based on a small sample of women I’ve spoken to over the course of 10 years on about 5 trips to Bangkok & a single trip to Pattaya (Ladyboy capital of the World). Many of the ladyboys I’ve talked with have a different agenda than most Western Trans women I’ve met.

Ladyboys want to sparkle, glitter and shine. They strive to be noticed and want to be appreciated.

What Does The Term Ladyboy Mean?

Someone born as a male who either desires to be or wishes to look female. Some ladyboys want to have full affirmation surgery to remove any trace of maleness while others revel in the dichotomy of retaining their original parts and energy.

Whether they need or want full affirmation surgery is up to them. But some women decide to wait on surgery so they can maintain their employment as a ladyboy in the clubs. Many clubs fire women who have had affirmation surgery (top and bottom surgery) because they no longer fit the definition of ladyboy (having breasts and a penis).

How Can You Tell A Ladyboy From A Woman?

Ladyboys are women… I want to say period end of story but that won’t foster understanding.

Some articles will tell you to rely on physical markers: height, larger hands and feet, large breasts and gorgeous appearance. But for me the shell of our bodies rarely tell us anything about the person. I tend to look beyond to the essence of the person. The ladyboys I met and watched perform have an energy that was magical. They embraced both their male and female energies. Some allowed both to reside within them and in others the male energy has vanished. But within any group there are individuals so you can’t paint everyone with the same brush.

In Illusions & Dreams I shared two characters both of whom could be seen as ladyboys from the standpoint of Thai culture (if not the club rules). Boon-nam is all girl. She’s sweet and adorable to the extreme. Boon-nam craved affirmation surgery (complete top and bottom surgery). Her outside needed to match her inside so she could live a happy and full life. Her best friend Lalana is completely different. She is elegant and feminine but she retained all of her parts and resisted any suggestion of surgery beyond breast augmentation. On occasion she allows the small part of her that retains male energy to come out. She enjoys using her strength to pin her lover against the wall and at times in her own mind she thinks of her clitoris in male terms. She’s proud to be a ladyboy and won’t be changed by anyone.


People have sexualized ladyboys and transgender people... and sadly still do. It’s not surprising people hesitate to say they fancy ladyboys or someone who is transgender over the cisgendered (someone who is the gender matches their body).  People automatically assume the person is looking to get off on someone they fetishize. The censure someone who is trans-oriented receives almost guarantees to lock him or her into a closet where only his or her baser needs can be fulfilled. Some people are simply attracted to individuals who find this unique dichotomy of male and female energy. And yes there’s a sexual component to being trans-oriented the same way there is to being gay, straight, bi but as with any orientations that’s not the only enticement to find someone who calls to you.

I hope we open the trans-oriented closet door soon. The more we accept ourselves and others… the happier this world will be. 

In case you want to have some Bangkok adventures yourself without getting on a plane you might try: 

Hugs, Z.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Interview With The Stars of Illusions & Dream The #1 Ladyboy Show in Bangkok

Interview with Lalana and Boon-nam

Z.: Thanks so much for joining me. I’m very excited to share you both with the world.

Boon-nam: I’m excited to be shared!!!

Lalana: Boon-nam!

Boon-nam: Ohhhh La-la you know what I mean.  Geez, we are here to talk about Z.’s new book…. Which I star in um with you of course…

Z.: Um… I’m supposed to be interviewing you guys. Tell me a little about yourselves.

Boon-nam: I’m a girl!!! (giggles erupt)

Z.: Through and through.

Lalana: Even when Boon-nam was little she was always a little girl.

Boon-nam: Though my father tried to beat the female out of me.  I pretended to be a boy for a couple of years but I wasn’t…

Lalana: (puts an arm around her cherished friend) Shhhh, butterfly. That’s why we left and went to Bangkok.

Boon-nam: (sniffs) Anyway, I LOVE Bangkok especially Pat Pong.

Lalana: (gasps) Boon!

Boon-nam: La-la don’t be a stick in the mud. I LOVE my friends in Pat Pong.

Lalana: You go to bad places there.

Boon-nam: Tsk! They are great places… especially in back. (Her eyes glitter) Z. knows what I’m talking about… You’ve been to those places…

Z.: (can’t help but smile) Yup. There’s a wonderful freedom if you can ignore the seedier side of Pat Pong.

Lalana: How is that possible? It’s sex, sex, SEX!

Boon-nam: (shrugs) Soooo sex is great.

Lalana: Oh sweetie! You don’t know. Not always…

Z.: Lalana I take it you’ve had some bad experiences?

Lalana: Yes. A number of men didn’t believe me when I said I would never have surgery down below.

Z.: This is actually one of the reasons I kept both of your love stories together but I wanted people to understand just because you are transgender doesn’t mean you need to express it in the same way.

Boon-nam: I’m all girl!!! I couldn’t stand that thing between my legs before it was awful. I tried not to touch it… it wasn’t part of me.

Lalana: (tucks a curl behind Boon-nam’s ear) I’m so glad your affirmation surgery was successful but not everyone’s is…

Boon-nam: (nodding) It wasn’t easy. I had an infection, then numbness and a lot of pain… and no fun. But things are much better now. (Her mega watt smile almost blinds me shines out from her).

Lalana: I knew I wanted top surgery, you know my breasts enhanced and I wanted to be on hormones but I don’t have an issue with my lower half. My parts may look a little different from the average woman but I’m keeping everything as it is and if a man doesn’t get that then that’s his problem.

Boon-nam: (pats Lalana hand) That’s right besides they were creepy! You need a nice man.

Lalana: I need no man. Z. do you think you’ll ever be able to know feel uncomfortable with the word: Ladyboy?

Z.: No… in the West it’s a term that sexualizes the person in a negative way.

Lalana: Well just remember here in Thailand we aspire to the title and hold it with pride.

Z.: I know but it’s hard. Words matter and I don’t want anyone hurt by the misuse or misunderstanding of how the term is used.

Lalana: sighs

Boon-nam: It’s okay. I was never a ladyboy I was just a girl in waiting… and now… TA-Da! (She rises spins and does a high kick)

Z.: (OMG I LOVE Boon-nam!!!!) Nice!!!  Anyway, I had an amazing time in the book going through Bangkok with you ladies. It’s one of my favorite cities.

Boon-nam: You did everything we did didn’t you.

Z.: Yup, I was even bit by a baby tiger.

Boon-nam: (rubs her shoulder and glares) You didn’t have to make me so delicious!

Z.: Sorry… it did hurt didn’t it?

Boon-nam: I forgive you because you let me drag Jake into the back room and have my way with him.

Lalana: SHHHHHH… none of that it’s time for practice.

Z.: Thank you and I hope you ladies have a great show tonight.

Lalana: Happy Release date on Monday Nov 17th 2014!!!!

Illusions & Dreams Blurb:
Randy Camster failed at being married. His life now centers around work, TV sports, and listening to his friend Jake complain about how Randy’s lack of a sex life will be the downfall of mankind. Not true! Well, not totally. He’s just never understood the fascination with sex until… ladyboy performer Lalana Dulyarat shimmies into his world via an Internet ad for Thailand tourism.

Jake O’Neil’s open pansexuality yields him interesting bedmates, but he’s never chased after the mythical illusion of love. He focuses on others, like his best friend Randy, who needs a Bang-Cock vacation. Finding an adorable little imp named Boon-nam wasn’t on the itinerary. Gay, straight, and undecided, Jake has had ‘em all, but never a virgin aching to take a walk on the kinky side after having her affirmation surgery. Talk about pressure. And what’s with everyone warning him not to break her heart? His is the one in danger.

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