Thursday, January 17, 2019

“Yes, Please May I have another….”

Impact play is consensual spanking, flogging, paddling, and striking. Spanking is an easy and safe gateway into BDSM. Impact play/Spanking/Cropping/Whippings is about experiencing pain within a framework of trust and control that can allow you to leave the bounds of your day-to-day existence, and soar.

Why Do Folks Participate in Impact Play?

*The activity can make you feel more submissive. After all, you’re willingly submitting to someone else’s actions. You (in some cases) are bending over and taking pain because someone is asking you to.

*Claiming your sexuality.

*You’re being a little naughty and not quite vanilla you’re dipping your toes into the wild side (& that in and of itself can be liberating).

*Impact play can be part of a larger role play which can be fun and stimulating. (Officer & Speeder, Naughty student & teacher, etc.)

*This activity allows you give up control which be freeing.

*Relieves stress: Sometimes the impact pulls you out of your head and forces you to focus on the present moment. (“Shit! Someone is spanking me. Ow!” You’re no longer worried about your writer’s block, the piles of work you need to do, laundry that needs to be folded, etc. You can’t think past the OUCH!)

*Maintenance Spankings: Some Dom(s)/sub(s) implement a regularly scheduled spanking to: address any “misdeeds” (real/fake), to keep sub on the right track with a reminder of what happens if they are naughty or just to spank because the people involved enjoy impact play.

*Punishment: paying for mistakes and giving you clean slate. It can relieve guilt at a failure. Some of us are wired to want to do penance so we can move past a mistake.

*Maybe you want to show your obedience to your Dom/lover(s) and enduring a bit of pain for them is exactly what you want.

*Impact play can cause discomfort or pain but for some the discipline morphs into something pleasure.

*Orgasm: Some of us can get off on impact play.

How you ask?
Everyone is different but I’ll throw out some whys I’ve seen, heard, and experienced. (Keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list.)
Physical: The sensation awakens nerve endings in the area which makes us more sensitive. Blood rushes to that area. (You know how massage feels good even though the kneading can hurt a little as are muscles are being forced to relax? Think about spanking as a version of massage).

Pain causes the central nervous system to release endorphins into the body. Direct rhythmic impact can result in orgasm. (Keep the rhythm steady and expected so the sub can build to release.)

Mental: Impact play can be mentally gratifying. The willingness to submit wholly to pain for someone else. The sub might see a spanking as humiliating and get super turned on. Being put in “one’s place” can push you pass the “typical” and open you up to climax.

((FYI: A bit of a warning: These hands-free orgasms might be satisfying or they could just be a tease for MORE a lot MORE… NOW.))

Before Impact Play:
*Make sure everyone understands what will happen.
*The striker needs to know where it is safe to hit. Usually sticking with butt and thighs, and avoiding organs.
*A safeword needs to be set.
*No coercion should be involved.
*If adding humiliation into it make sure everyone is into that otherwise it can go south quick.

Equipment Needed:
Impact play can be done with no equipment purchased. You can use your hand.
Or items found around the house: a slipper, back of a brush, a wooden spoon, ruler, etc. Or of course you can get fancy and go all out. (My humble advice is make sure you enjoy it before you invest.)

Test the Impact:
It’s always recommended the striker test the impact on themselves to gauge the level of intensity. Impact play can be a light slap on the butt to the crack of the riding crop. (Make sure you start slow! A warmup spanking can help ready the skin making more intense equipment more—interesting)

Adding Words:
Keep in mind if you add words and you might be adding humiliation or role play into the scene.
(Based on your scene/role play: Teacher: “You failed. I warned you if you didn’t study and get a good grade on your test what your punishment would be…”     Or a Dom: “I’m very disappointed in you and you need to be punished.”  “You were such a good sub. I’m going to spank your beautiful bottom until it glows.”     “Tell me how many spanks you should have for your maintenance spanking?”)

Excerpt from Lock and Key:
Info: It’s Zack’s birthday. The scene takes place at a BDSM club called Entwined. Zack has been with each of these subs before and he already knows the intensity of the paddle (Btw you & me he’d rather be taking a paddling than giving impact play to others sigh but that’s an issue that needs solving).
I chose this scene because I wanted to draw your attention to the different needs and responses each sub had toward the paddle. Some were into and wanted to be paddled harder and others did not.
***The Dom(s) should be watching the subs to figure out what they want and need out of impact play, and know what the role of impact play has in their relationship(s)***

Everyone started to sing, “Happy Birthday to you!”

When the song drew to a close, someone in the crowd yelled, “It’s birthday spanking time!”

Orion took the paddle Zack hadn’t noticed Tony was holding and handed the wood to Zack, handle first. He returned to the line and pulled down his pants.

Fuck! A line of the twenty-one cutest butts he’d ever seen were de- pantsed and wiggling for him.

The crowd applauded, and someone shouted out, “Get to it!”

Each of the subs peeked over their shoulder and grinned at him.

Orion said, “Give us each two for your birthday, Sir,” as if it weren’t a flimsy excuse for staging an exhibition.

Fuck! Zack prayed he didn’t stumble and face-plant on the stage.

He focused on the handsome, giving subs rather than being the center of attention. He traced his hand over each sub’s presented backside. Soft skin, various skin tones, different sizes... it was a veritable buffet of spankable bottoms.

When he reached the end of the line, the bent-over man re-arched his back to give Zack a perfect target, and with a wicked grin, he said, “Happy birthday, Sir.”

Zack drew back the paddle and whacked the smooth surface across the rounded butt in front of him. The swat vibrated the handle.

“One more, Sir,” the sub begged and twitched his butt, inviting the paddle.

Zack swung and connected.

“Umph! Thank you, Sir.” The first sub jumped up and rubbed his ass with two hands.
Wow! Zack stared down the lineup of men stretching across the entire stage, amazed they all had bent over for him. Focus! He sidestepped to the next sub. He answered the “Happy birthday, Sir” with one good hard whack followed by a second.

“Thank you, Sir!”

The third sub turned with big blue eyes, biting his lower lip. Ah, Roberto didn’t like a lot of pain and only enjoyed playful pats. It melted Zack’s heart that he would participate in this celebration anyway.

“Happy birthday, Sir.” His voice cracked.

Zack respected the bravery and tapped him twice with a light touch on the bottom.

The sub mouthed, “Thank you.”

The next submissive liked it hard. Zack complied and slammed the paddle down on the pristine cheeks, leaving two red rectangles.

“Mmmmm, thank you, Sir.”

Zack shuffled down the line, doling out the paddle smacks according to each sub’s needs. Some he pulled back and stepped into the swing to add an extra wallop, and for others he barely touched the wood to their skin.

The surreal nature of this scene hit him as he glanced back down the line of the subs. Some were rubbing their butts, a few had other subs rub their asses for them, and others had their pants back up, arms folded, and watching the live action.

Tony jumped up as he squealed, “Thank you, Sir.” The big man liked the afterglow and the sting but not the stroke it took to get there.

Zack didn’t look out at the audience, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Andrew had shown. They didn’t see each other much at the club, though that didn’t stop his stupid heart from racing when he caught a glimpse of him. Or the slice of inappropriate jealousy that stabbed him in the gut whenever Andrew went into or came out of the back rooms.

He continued down the line, slapping asses.

Xander winked at him. “Happy Birthday, Sir.” He turned his head forward and twitched his ass back and forth, as if his ass alone wasn’t enticing enough.

Zack smacked the twerkable backside with a good solid whack. “Again, Sir!”
After pulling back, Zack connected with a loud pop.

Xander popped up and rubbed his ass. “Ow! Thank you, Sir.” Orion happened to be last in line.

Zack doubted he’d ever give Orion what he needed, but he’d try to come close. He pulled the paddle over his shoulder.

“Happy Birthday, Sir. Hard, please.” Orion grunted at the impact. “Mmmm, thank you, Sir.”

Zack rubbed the red outline of the paddle on Orion’s ass. Damn, that would be painful.
The man pushed the curtain of hair out of his face and asked, “How about one for good luck, Sir?”

The audience laughed.

Zack shrugged and gave Orion what he asked for by putting his weight into the swing. The pop of the paddle echoed through the room. “And one for good luck.”

Everyone applauded.

Zack surveyed the subs. No one appeared worse for the wear from the paddle kisses.

***You can find the rest of Lock and Key: Buy Link***

Last Thoughts:
I’m a strong believer in keeping spanking between consenting adults. I knew I was “kinky” at four thankfully I wasn’t hit as a child because that would have been bizarrely confusing and upsetting. (Studies show spanking doesn’t work long-term and can have negative lasting effects.)

Always seek your own truth.

I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.

Many hugs,
Z. Allora

To contact Z. Allora:
FACEBOOK:   Z Allora Allora
Twitter: @ZAllora

BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

I lived in Suzhou China for almost six years. My time there was filled with incredible wonderful experiences and I adored so many of the people I met. But I also know there’s no place like home. (For me, that’s the USA).

When we first moved there (2006) Suzhou wasn’t connected to Shanghai by the highway or train so it took about 2.5 hours to get there. Suzhou had yet to be named an AAAA tourist destination which it was in 2009ish. AAAA means the government poured money into Suzhou for infrastructure, growth, and beautification. 

Though Suzhou was plenty incredible before the government attention. After all, eighteen of the Emperors Gardeners retired to Suzhou and designed their own gardens there which are for everyone to enjoy. Chinese gardens are like stepping into a watercolor. The gardeners understood the art of landscaping. Suzhou was nicknamed the Venice of the East because of all the canals that run through the city.

Although as much as I can gush about China, I will admit everything was different. Sometimes only a little different and that allowed my expectations rise which gave me confidence in dealing with something effectively—only to crash and burn trying to do the simplest things. I got used to not ever getting quite what I wanted. Compromise and settling for almost were my mantra.

Things I didn’t expect:
*When I saw the exhibit on Suzhou China in SF’s Asian Museum (2004) and I said “I wish we lived there” I didn’t realize I was casting a spell. We moved there in 2006.
*In 2006 I couldn’t buy meat in Suzhou because it traveled from the port of Shanghai on unrefrigerated trucks, in super-hot humid Suzhou temperatures and after our third bout of food poisoning (NOT CAUSED BY MY COOKING) we ate in restaurants until the Japanese market came to Suzhou allowing me or my love to prepare meals at home. 

*Restaurants were delicious, reasonably priced and they had access to refrigerated meat. (Above is the most talented chefs I've ever known.)
*Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Burger King, Starbucks, and KFC were everywhere in China.
*No bills. You have to go pay for water, gas, and electricity BEFORE you use it. Since we were the first expats at his company no one thought to tell us this fact because that’s what they’d always known. No idea the bills came after the fact in America. Well, I figured out you had to prepay when the water just stopped working one day… during a shower.
*China was a completely cash system in 2006 (especially in Suzhou). No checks, bank cards or credit charges. I carried stacks of cash especially for everything. (That thankfully changed over the six years we lived there).
*LGBTQIA doesn’t exist. My friends told me there is no gay in China. (Now statistically we know that’s impossible and the fact that I knew several people who liked people of the same sex didn’t change anyone’s mind.) The closet is extremely deep. It took my 5.5 years to find the rainbow club and there was only one in Suzhou.
*I was nicknamed Ling Long Laura > I lived at the end of Ling Long Street and my first name Laura.

*My massage therapist (Touching my shoulders) worked some magic on my carpal tunnel scar tissue and stunned the surgeon. “I can see the scar but there’s no hardness… what did you do?” LOL I would get massages 2-3x a week.
*I LOVE a good sale and I found I was damned good at bargaining. (One of my local friends would have me buy his white tea because I could get a better price in the tea market than he could.)
*Our driver (the fact that I had a driver was beyond weird for me but we weren’t going to be good enough at reading or speaking Chinese to safely drive) but our driver said to me “Laura you speak like a man.” I nodded happy that the language was not barrier to him seeing me.
*Our driver became my best friend… 

 My Made in China series is based on my experiences in Asia. I'm very excited to share some of them with you.

Big hugs, Z.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Difference Between BDSM Dreams and Reality

With much of BDSM romance, and maybe in romance in general, there’s a soft focus. Reality may or may not enter into the scheme of things. I’m not here to cast judgment either way. Some adore realism and others want fantasy and some want a bit of realistic fantasy in their BDSM. All these ways are relevant and valid I cast no stones but there can be differences in BDSM dreams and reality.

When I write BDSM I tend to focus on the perfection of it as opposed to the epic fails (unless it’s part of the story line). I don’t think that’s a bad thing but it’s not always reality… but many readers aren’t looking for reality in a romance. They want the picture-perfect escape from their day-to-day.

Orion Gordon in Secured and Free experiences an epic fail. He's harmed by a Dom. The violation causes a complete lack of trust.

So today, I want to explore the reality of BDSM and finding ways around “reality” to allow us more freedom to play in the fantasy of it.

Be you a novice or hard core 24/7 practitioner or somewhere in between: Life Happens. Unexpected things come up and can derail your best intentions of a kickass BDSM scene. I’m only going to look at a few problems life can toss in your direction but it will give you an idea (and hope) on how to handle the issues in your sphere.

Health issues

Both big and small can impact your BDSM play. This is where communication is key. The Dom needs to understand exactly what the issue is and explore the limitations of it with you (or you with them). Be it recovering from surgery, a cold or simply a sore back you don’t want BDSM making something worse.

I know it sucks. Limitations can feel bad making you feel inadequate, damaged or just damned depressed but instead try to see these issues as an opportunity. It’s a way to give a creative challenge to the Dom(s). Being forced to change things up can allow you to discover a new spice you didn’t know you’d enjoy.

Be mindful when you are sick pain registers differently so what you can tolerate might be different than normal. Be kind to yourself.

Some reality work arounds suggestions:
Colds/Allergies: aren’t time to do breath play so maybe it might be the time to be tied down so you can rest.
Bad backs or injured limbs: Bondage (beyond the simplest ties) might be off the table but blindfolds and light stim might be okay.
Recovering from surgery: Following your doctor’s restrictions is incredibly important so make your limitations clear. Any pain, sensation or temperature related activity should be done with much care since tolerances might have been affected by the surgery. RECOVER 1st. But possibly following simple commands or doing your physical therapy under the direction of the Dom can be rewarding.

You might use the time to pull out the BDSM checklist and look at the options. Find things that don’t impact your ailment and might be interesting to try.

Read a BDSM story or movie together. Talk about the parts you liked and what you’d love to try.

Obliviously if it’s the Dom’s issue (s/he/they) will handle it. (Though a note to the sweet subs among us: Make sure your big bad Dom isn’t being a dullard and harming him/herself for you. Also based on the issue you may not want to participate in certain activities with a Dom whose not a 100% so don’t be afraid to refuse an activity.)

*With any health issue follow medical advice from your doctor!!!!!*

Time issues
Our worlds are complex we juggle jobs, kids, aging/ill parents, friends, errands, writing, reading, etc. all while accomplishing the tasks of daily living. There are a lot of moving parts and sometimes BDSM time can suffer.

Here’s some things you already know but may want to actually try:

*Making dates for BDSM play/smexy times can help. Setting aside time for a scene. For many a scene starts when the planning begins. It gives you something to anticipate. Sometimes you can do some of the preparation ahead of time. Anything you do before hand to prepare allows you more playtime.

*Always keep your gear clean and in one place if possible. If not gather items so they are ready when you are.

*Sometimes picking equipment that takes speed into consideration is a good idea. I love Shibari (> fancy Japanese bondage style that can be time intensive) but sometimes Velcro bondage cuffs can get me to the same place. The Dom(s) might consider pre-ties that remain hidden most of the time but can but pulled into immediate action cutting down on prep time.  

*Quickie BDSM:
I know some people are appalled at me for suggesting a shorten scene but sometimes you need the connection and don’t have time for extended play. (Sometimes a little is better than nothing > and sometimes not. It depends on where you are in your headspace.)

Here’s what a quickie scene might look like:
“Hands on the counter. Don’t move.” This is an easy setup for a predicament scene.
The Dom could do any number of things: kiss, lick, remove an item of clothing, tickle. While the sub must remain still.
Instead of sex a warm hug and cuddle can bring the scene to a close.
Or whatever works in your world.

This won’t replace a full scene and you may not get to Top/subspace but when time is short it can help reset or at least tide you over until you can do a full scene.

The scene isn’t working

In romance everything usually flows beautifully (unless it’s part of the storyline). The timing is perfect and all needs of those participating are met.

In reality this does happen just not a 100% of the time— when it does angels sing. Other times the scene might not be exactly perfect but you make it work. Most of the time it’s somewhere in between these two. But sometimes it can be a bit rocky.

You thought an activity would bring you to Nirvana but it’s bringing you to Hell you might consider your SAFEWORD.

Life is too short to stick out a bad scene.

There are NO BDSM Clubs in my area
Lots of romances (including my own) have fabulous clubs plucked from our BDSM dreams. Amazing palaces of BDSM pleasures filled with perfection… but what if there is no club in your area. Sometimes BDSM clubs are illegal in the place you live or the closest one is miles away and traveling all those miles has no appeal. (Or perhaps you don’t want to go to a club because you’re not into exhibitionism, don’t want to pay the admission fees, or the fear of the club isn’t clean or well-maintained.)

Join local BDSM boards. Get to know people. Meet for coffee with folks and/or attend a munch (>non-activity BDSM gathering usually over a meal to discuss anything from the weather to hardcore scenes). Getting to know the community in your area, might get you an invitation to a private play party (usually in someone’s home) or you can seek out parties on the boards. Caution: Make sure you understand the rules. I’ve heard of some where the subs who attend can’t refuse anything with anyone. Some are more swing parties than BDSM gatherings. Just clarify what the expectations are to see if they meet yours.

The answer might be to do scenes in the privacy of your own home. Make the space you use what you want it to be. You’re completely in charge of the setup, equipment, atmosphere… But remember there’s not the safety net of others monitoring the activities so knowing the person/people doing the scene with you and negotiating the activities is vital.

People in the Scene are always nice…or not
Mostly people into BDSM in my experience are rather lovely.
However there have been some standout loser stereotypes among the people I’ve met:
The arrogant know-it-all Dom who thinks subs are doormats.
The innocent sub who knows nothing. (LOL) I’ve actually never met one of those because usually the subs drive the conversations at munches as well as introducing their Dom(s) to new toys/activities.
The wanna-to-be Dom who thinks s/he needs to be an asshole to be Dominant.
The rebel without a clue: S/he/they doesn’t know the rules and thinks it’s super awesome to break them cause they’re above them…even though they don’t know what they are.

 In Lock and Key, Zack meets someone terrible in a club. A wanna-to-be Dom understands the difference between BDSM and abuse > he just doesn't give a shit and Zack pays the price.

When you run into someone who is being an ass handle them the same ways you would in your day-to-day life: avoid them, or explain why they make you uncomfortable. Having a script ready to deal with difficult people can save you. “I’m sorry my Dom wouldn’t approve” or “Thank you but I’m not interested.”

Remember just because you’re in a BDSM environment doesn’t mean people have the right to mistreat you.

The look of BDSM
In BDSM romance everyone is fit, pretty, and is wearing customized leather. At many clubs there usually is a dress codes which involves leather, fetish wear or power dressing… but many people in reality don’t wear leather day-to-day. (Though for some its part of what they need)

Don’t be intimidated or forced into the idea only people with a certain look can be a part of the BDSM community. (If you need confirmation of this look at amateur BDSM porn…)

Some people are gorgeous with incredible bodies but most people I’ve seen are averagely attractive people with various body types. Though maybe it’s the glow of confidence about people being their true selves that make me see them as incredibly beautiful. (Also, the delicious kinkiness of their minds can entice drooling as well.)

Un-romantic Interests
Some people have some pretty “un-romantic” cravings. They are looking for extreme humiliation: being a money pig (forced to give money to a Dom), used as a toilet, forced to eat terrible things, called terribly degrading slurs, being treated inhumanely, nullification, etc. You get the idea. No judgement for the people getting what they want but there are large parts that stray from the romantic view of BDSM.

If you have rougher longings they aren’t bad so stop judging yourself if you have them. Find people with similar interests and find your happiness. As you are fulfilling them try to keep things: safe, sane, and consensual.

As with anything else don’t participate in things that make you uncomfortable. You do you.

Sometimes BDSM reality isn’t always romantic or even as fabulous as I’d like to believe but if you work at it you can make your BDSM world closer to your BDSM dreams and fantasies.

Always seek your own truth.

I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.

Many hugs,
Z. Allora

To contact Z. Allora:
FACEBOOK:   Z Allora Allora
Twitter: @ZAllora

BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.