according to investopedia Coke spent "a total $3.499 billion in 2014,
$3.266 billion in 2013 and $3.342 billion in 2012."((http://www.investopedia.com/articles/markets/081315/look-cocacolas-advertising-expenses.asp))
It's hard not to absorb the advertising that sex is bad...
What is slut shaming?
"Slut-shaming is the experience of being labeled a sexually
out-of-control girl or woman (a “slut” or “ho”) and then being punished
socially for possessing this identity. Slut-shaming is sexist because
only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether
real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same
behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will
be boys, and girls will be sluts." Leora Tanenbaum
Author of “I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet”
time the boys at the park figured out it was a person assigned female
at birth that was kicking their 14 yr-old asses in basketball.
I questioned my friends who was having sex about why didn't they tell their
boyfriends what felt good to them so they could enjoy it as well...
*On my way into Planned Parenthood for my 1st gyn
*A time or two when I didn't feel the need to get someone off who didn't make any attempt on behalf of my orgasm.
*When family members found out what I read...
*When family members and a couple of friends found out what I wrote...
*Every time I see a poll about sex in romance books...The usually the majority claim sex isn't that important... (to which I strongly need to disagree!)
*When a boyfriend was threatened by my interest in BDSM...
*All the other various times the word was tossed at me or those near me
*Anytime someone's actions equated to that kind of judgment...
*When a publisher identifies as being "clean" and providing "guilt-free" romance reading but makes it clear BDSM isn't something they publish>>> assume that people who are into it are dirty and guilty... (I'm good with that right... there loss >>>>> I had much more of an issue with when their submission requirements ban gay characters it has thus change it's wording to no LBGT themes...)
Epic Fail... I internalized the negative
shocked and ashamed that I internalized the negative dialogue society has given
to the world about BDSM. I was doing edits for my upcoming release Lock and Key (July
15, 2016!!!!! BSDM world revolving around Entwined the BDSM club of my dreams... anyway)... My editor pointed out I used the word "normal" for a non-BDSM centered relationship, which
implied the BDSM relationship was abnormal. I was horrified! (I've been a
happily love slave for many many many years.) How could I consider my
relationship anything other than beautiful... then I looked around at all
the messages force fed to me... How many TV shows and movies make BDSM a
weird/odd/dangerous/deadly/anything but normal lifestyle? How many times did I see a face of disgust being made when I admitted my interest/participation/fucking downright LOVE for BDSM? Countless...
I had drank the Kool-Aid and it has seeped into my psyche. Somehow I ingested the negative dialogue even when I know better (Proof of my very existence)
What Can I Do?
can be mindful of how these negative ideas and images free float in the
world and if I'm able I'll address them. Be it racism, homophobia,
sexism, ageism, transphobia, anti-sex... If I can speak out and up I will.
I need to watch what I put into the world (& work with people who are able to catch such slips).
Words matter and have a long reach. I'll try to be mindful of their power.
Yesterday, Leslie (co-founder of PFLAG's Greenville South Carolina Chapter 23 years ago), Jenifer and I headed off to Columbia for the hearings on 1203 bathroom law (which would force people into bathrooms based on their assigned sex at birth and not their gender identity) and transgender rally.
Due to the number of people who were supporting the transgender community and the decision to have the hearing in a room that wouldn't hold 30 people we hung out downstairs. We did meet and shake hands with Columbia's mayor who thanked us for showing our support. He believed this bill will die (but we need to make sure we crush it).
The main argument I've heard for this bill is it makes people unsafe (especially cis-gender women and children).
This position is based on a lot of fear, and a forgetfulness that there current laws in place to deal with people who are inappropriate in a bathroom. Please take the time to follow this video link:
Labels can be wonderful and reinforcing helping people connect with others who share some of the same qualities they do...
But we shouldn't label someone else nor should we attempt to correct their label >>> It's not our right to peel off someone else's label (unless they are looking for assistance in processing... even then trend with care!!!!).
>>> Yes I realize this creates major issues. One I've heard the most is:
It's not fair.
True. But since we don't know what's in someone else's head we can't say "Hey you had sex with other people who have been assigned the same sex as you therefore you're gay or bisexual." (though society tends to do that) Everyone person has a right to identity with a label THEY feel fits them best. (I'm quoting from "Are ‘Heteroflexible’ and ‘Homoflexible’ Shades of ‘Bisexual’?" from the Huffington Post link is below)
Let's look at the definitions:
defines bisexuality as romantic attraction toward both males and
females. The term is mainly used in the context of human attraction to
denote romantic or sexual feelings toward both men and women."
Heteroflexible "Wikipediadefines heteroflexible as “a form of a sexual orientation or
situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual
activity, despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that...
distinguish [es] it from bisexuality.”
Homoflexible "Urban dictionary
describes this as a gay man who has come out and embraced his identity
fully as a gay man and chooses to have sex with a woman."
So someone who doesn't "have an enduring attraction" to both genders therefore doesn't fit the bisexual category...
With these definitions in mind: Gay For You/Out For You genre of LGBT romance might be less about erasure and more about characters who might define themselves differently. But there's not a category for heteroflexible with a side of label dislike so it will fall under GFY.
Sexuality is complex. Many of us haven't analyzed our sexuality... so not all of our labels fit.
Out For You/Gay For You Stories: While possibly not an accurate description of what is happening... this troupe embodies an ultra-fantasy of love>>> Nothing stands in the way of love not even gender.
Is everyone bisexual?
"In short, no. Roughly 2.2% of women and 1.4% of men self-identify as bisexual. The number of people whose behavior
is bisexual, but who choose to label themselves as straight, gay, or
lesbian, is certainly much higher – about 3 to 4 times that – but still
represents less than 10% of the population." ((http://bisexual.org/?qna=is-everyone-bisexual))
The Klein Model takes into account the individual's past, present and their ideal.
I'm pulling how they define the variables right off their website. "THE VARIABLES: Sexual Attraction: To whom are you sexually attracted? Sexual Behavior: With whom have you actually had sex? Sexual Fantasies: Whom
are your sexual fantasies about? (They may occur during masturbation,
daydreaming, as part of real life, or purely in your imagination.) Emotional Preference: Emotions
influence, if not define, the actual physical act of love. Do you love
and like only members of the same sex, only members of the other sex, or
members of both sexes? Social Preference: Social
preference is closely allied with but often different from emotional
preference. With members of which sex do you socialize? Lifestyle Preference: What is the sexual identity of the people with whom you socialize? Sexual Identity: How do you think of yourself? Political Identity: Some
people describe their relationship to the rest of society differently
than their personal sexual identity. For instance, a woman may have a heterosexualsexual identity, but a lesbian political identity. How do you think of yourself politically?"
Now this scale can trouble some because it suggests orientation can "change" over time... I prefer to view it as life experiences refine a person's orientation giving them added clarity. Instead of rejecting one side of the Kinsey scale for the other... there might be a leaning with some additional exception.
Here's an example of how one might clarify their likes as they get older or have different life experiences: I have a friend who identifies as a lesbian. I'm going to quote her, "Z.Allora, I love women and I'm a hardcore lesbian but there's a new flavor in town and it's called transmen." She said she'd go straight for the right transman... and that profoundly surprised her... in her younger days transmen weren't part of her world so how would she know she could be attracted to these men? ((I'm trusting those reading this not to go off in the direction with it))
I guess I'm hoping you leave this blog with a better understanding of the definitions and why some people (or characters) might not identify as bisexual and while others might.
I included this short film: Thirteen Or So Minutes... gives a dramatization of how heteroflexibility could potentially happen, the chaos around accepting a different label and how the encounter could become more. You can also follow the implications of how labels affect both of these men.