Thursday, April 21, 2016

Words Can Have A LOOONNG Reach

Words matter... 


We know that.

That's why according to investopedia Coke spent "a total $3.499 billion in 2014, $3.266 billion in 2013 and $3.342 billion in 2012."((

It's hard not to absorb the advertising that sex is bad...


What is slut shaming?

"Slut-shaming is the experience of being labeled a sexually out-of-control girl or woman (a “slut” or “ho”) and then being punished socially for possessing this identity. Slut-shaming is sexist because only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts." Leora Tanenbaum Author of “I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet” 

Ms. Tanenbaum ends the article,
"...slut-shaming is not really about women’s sexuality. It is grounded in the belief that men get to assert themselves, and women do not. It may be getting a lot of attention these days, but slut-shaming is really just a catchy way to signify old-fashioned sexism." ((You can find the entire article here:


My Own Experience Being Called a Slut

*1st time the boys at the park figured out it was a person assigned female at birth that was kicking their 14 yr-old asses in basketball.
*When I questioned my friends who was having sex about why didn't they tell their boyfriends what felt good to them so they could enjoy it as well...
*On my way into Planned Parenthood for my 1st gyn
*A time or two when I didn't feel the need to get someone off who didn't make any attempt on behalf of my orgasm.
*When family members found out what I read...
*When family members and a couple of friends found out what I wrote...
*Every time I see a poll about sex in romance books...The usually the majority claim sex isn't that important... (to which I strongly need to disagree!)
*When a boyfriend was threatened by my interest in BDSM...
*All the other various times the word was tossed at me or those near me
*Anytime someone's actions equated to that kind of judgment...
*When a publisher identifies as being "clean" and providing "guilt-free" romance reading but makes it clear BDSM isn't something they publish>>> assume that people who are into it are dirty and guilty... (I'm good with that right... there loss  >>>>> I had much more of an issue with when their submission requirements ban gay characters it has thus change it's wording to no LBGT themes...)

Epic Fail... I internalized the negative

I'm shocked and ashamed that I internalized the negative dialogue society has given to the world about BDSM. I was doing edits for my upcoming release Lock and Key (July 15, 2016!!!!! BSDM world revolving around Entwined the BDSM club of my dreams... anyway)...  My editor pointed out I used the word "normal" for a non-BDSM centered relationship, which implied the BDSM relationship was abnormal. I was horrified! (I've been a happily love slave for many many many years.) How could I consider my relationship anything other than beautiful... then I looked around at all the messages force fed to me... How many TV shows and movies make BDSM a weird/odd/dangerous/deadly/anything but normal lifestyle? How many times did I see a face of disgust being made when I admitted my interest/participation/fucking downright LOVE for BDSM? Countless...

I had drank the Kool-Aid and it has seeped into my psyche. Somehow I ingested the negative dialogue even when I know better (Proof of my very existence)

What Can I Do?

I can be mindful of how these negative ideas and images free float in the world and if I'm able I'll address them. Be it racism, homophobia, sexism, ageism, transphobia, anti-sex... If I can speak out and up I will.

I need to watch what I put into the world (& work with people who are able to catch such slips).

Words matter and have a long reach. I'll try to be mindful of their power.

Many hugs,
Z. Allora

(Psst, you can do the same if you want!)

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