Thursday, April 7, 2016

Gay For You, Out For You, Bisexual, Heteroflexible, Homoflexible... What's in a label?

 Labels can be wonderful and reinforcing helping people connect with others who share some of the same qualities they do...
But we shouldn't label someone else nor should we attempt to correct their label >>> It's not our right to peel off someone else's label (unless they are looking for assistance in processing... even then trend with care!!!!).

>>> Yes I realize this creates major issues. One I've heard the most is:

                                      It's not fair.

True. But since we don't know what's in someone else's head we can't say "Hey you had sex with other people who have been assigned the same sex as you therefore you're gay or bisexual." (though society tends to do that)  Everyone person has a right to identity with a label THEY feel fits them best. (I'm quoting from "Are ‘Heteroflexible’ and ‘Homoflexible’ Shades of ‘Bisexual’?" from the Huffington Post link is below)

Let's look at the definitions

"Wikipedia defines bisexuality as romantic attraction toward both males and females. The term is mainly used in the context of human attraction to denote romantic or sexual feelings toward both men and women."

defines heteroflexible as “a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity, despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that... distinguish [es] it from bisexuality.” 

"Urban dictionary describes this as a gay man who has come out and embraced his identity fully as a gay man and chooses to have sex with a woman."

Notice: "bisexuals have an enduring attraction romantically and sexually toward both genders. Sometimes it is more toward one gender over another."

So someone who doesn't "have an enduring attraction" to both genders therefore doesn't fit the bisexual category...

With these definitions in mind: Gay For You/Out For You genre of LGBT romance might be less about erasure and more about characters who might define themselves differently. But there's not a category for heteroflexible with a side of label dislike so it will fall under GFY.

Sexuality is complex. Many of us haven't analyzed our sexuality... so not all of our labels fit.

Out For You/Gay For You Stories: While possibly not an accurate description of what is happening... this troupe embodies an ultra-fantasy of love>>>  Nothing stands in the way of love not even gender.

Is everyone bisexual?

"In short, no.  Roughly 2.2% of women and 1.4% of men self-identify as bisexual.  The number of people whose behavior is bisexual, but who choose to label themselves as straight, gay, or lesbian, is certainly much higher – about 3 to 4 times that – but still represents less than 10% of the population." ((

Everyone loves to point out the Kinsey scale


I prefer the Klein Grind


The Klein Model takes into account the individual's past, present and their ideal.
I'm pulling how they define the variables right off their website.
Sexual Attraction: To whom are you sexually attracted?
Sexual Behavior: With whom have you actually had sex?
Sexual Fantasies: Whom are your sexual fantasies about? (They may occur during masturbation, daydreaming, as part of real life, or purely in your imagination.)
Emotional Preference: Emotions influence, if not define, the actual physical act of love. Do you love and like only members of the same sex, only members of the other sex, or members of both sexes?
Social Preference: Social preference is closely allied with but often different from emotional preference. With members of which sex do you socialize?
Lifestyle Preference: What is the sexual identity of the people with whom you socialize?
Sexual Identity: How do you think of yourself?
Political Identity: Some people describe their relationship to the rest of society differently than their personal sexual identity. For instance, a woman may have a heterosexualsexual identity, but a lesbian political identity. How do you think of yourself politically?"

Now this scale can trouble some because it suggests orientation can "change" over time... I prefer to view it as life experiences refine a person's orientation giving them added clarity. Instead of rejecting one side of the Kinsey scale for the other... there might be a leaning with some additional exception.

Here's an example of how one might clarify their likes as they get older or have different life experiences:  I have a friend who identifies as a lesbian. I'm going to quote her, "Z.Allora, I love women and I'm a hardcore lesbian but there's a new flavor in town and it's called transmen." She said she'd go straight for the right transman... and that profoundly surprised her... in her younger days transmen weren't part of her world so how would she know she could be attracted to these men? ((I'm trusting those reading this not to go off in the direction with it))

I guess I'm hoping you leave this blog with a better understanding of the definitions and why some people (or characters) might not identify as bisexual and while others might. 

I included this short film: Thirteen Or So Minutes...  gives a dramatization of how heteroflexibility could potentially happen, the chaos around accepting a different label and how the encounter could become more. You can also follow the implications of how labels affect both of these men.

Hugs, Z.

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