Welcome Erica Hope Baker!

Thank you so much for joining us on my blog.

Pretties: Erica is one my Pretties List on Facebook (& probably on yours too). She responded to a video I posted about the NFL Protests. Too many times we have seen people hide behind the veterans and how taking a knee is an insult. Mr. Al Jackson injects some truth into the situation. 

Here’s the video:

                                  Al Jackson Clip on Football Players Protest & Veterans

Based on her comments to my post she clearly this issue strikes close to home with Erica. She has sons five sons from 13 to 29 years old. Unfortunately, each has been harassed by the police. She has agreed to share her stories and experiences with us because she wants to foster a better understanding.

What did you do as a mother to try to ensure your sons were safe? (ie conversations about interactions, dangers white kids would not face, etc.)

 "I started having conversations with my boys at a very early age about many thing besides the police. We live in Southwest Louisiana and there are many things dealing with race that as a mom you just have to talk to them about. From the police aspect I told them to always be polite even if you are not in the wrong because I would rather them come home than me having to identity their bodies.

That is a real and true possibility.

When they are driving to keep their hands on the steering wheel and not to reach for anything. Always keep your drivers licence and stuff on the visor so that you NEVER have to reach in the glove box or in your pocket for anything.

Always try to comply but even if they do all that they will be harrassed. It is just what it is with them being male and black.

We also had the talk about if they are attracted to a young lady that may be white they need to make sure it is ok with her father, brothers, uncles all white male relatives. That could be a life or death situation.  I let them know that I don’t have a problem with them dating outside of their race or someone of the same sex but you will deal with a ton of hate if you do.

Again it is what it is.

I have had friend and relatives go to jail or they have gotten the crap beaten out of them for dating outside their race and the young lady was afraid to tell her family the truth and/or the family did not agree with it. 

I’m not having that when it can be avoided. I may get slammed for that comment but I want them to live and being killed because you date outside your race is still an issue whether people want to believe it or not."

Are there any experiences you’d like to share with us?

"I have many! I will start with my oldest son who is now 29 and work down to the youngest who is now 13.  Tyree who is my oldest has had many run ins with the police some of his own doing. But from about the age of 11 or 12 when he would walk home from school in school uniforms I might add the police would stop him and ask him where he was going. He would reply home or school and they would follow him.

Same with my second son Dalvin.

My third son Darius had a hard time because he was an athlete. He used to try and jog for conditioning but couldn’t because the police would stop him and ask him why he was running every single time he would go. We actually moved from that area because of the harrassment. It was nothing that was too aggressive just enough to make him and me uncomfortable.

He was about 14 at the time. You have to understand my boys are all tall the shortest which is Darius is about 5’11 and the tallest which is my fourth son Denarius is 6’3. Them being tall and fit is a threat. Now on to Denarius my all around athlete. He plays football, basketball, runs track, and wrestles. He is very muscular and very tall. One time he was taking the trash to the dumpster in our apartment complex. He had two bags of trash in his hands. The police that patrol our neighborhood stopped him and asked him where he was going and where did he live. He replied I’m taking  the trash out for my mom. He admitted that he said it a bit sarcastic with a “duh” look on his face but he did have trash bags and he was standing by a dumpster! They asked him a ton of questions about where he went to school and stuff and when they realized who he was (he is very popular because of sports and he goes to a popular predominantly white school in our area and he speaks well) they told him to have a good day.

Now my baby Dayan aka Squeaky who is 13 is a very flamboyant contemporary ballet dancer/choreographer. He is doing the choreography for his studio this year!  (Proud mom moment) They (the police) never say anything to him they just laugh and point which is probably worst.

D.L. Hugley the once said, “The police in black neighborhoods are not there to protect and service they are there to keep us in our neighborhood and out of theirs.”

I don’t feel I need to say there are good police because there are. I have good friends on the police force but they tend to see the bad in people and start to lump us (people of color) all in the same basket. I live in a neighborhood that most people would consider “bad”. If I could live somewhere else I’m sure I would. Being a divorced, single mom with one income doesn’t leave a lot of options for me."

Do you fear police interaction and could you explain to us why?

"I do. I think most people of color fear what could happen. It’s not even necessarily that a POC has had a bad experience with the police. It’s the fear of it. I have had police be completely disrespectful. I have had police be completely lovely to me and my children. It’s just the what if of getting that one bad cop.

After seeing person after person being shot in the back or mysteriously killed while in police custody you will have a fear of them. You can’t get around that.

I have even read articles where psychologist say that the fear of police is a form of PTSD. My brother is an army vet and has PTSD and for POC to have a fear of police that is comparable with that horrible disease is scary."

How can people support you, your sons, other people of color?

"First by acknowledging there is a problem. By not making it an us vs them type of thing. If you see someone being harassed don’t say it’s not my problem, step forward and say something. I know its hard and I know it's scary but you could be saving somebody’s life.

What is the one thing you want to make sure someone reading this walks away with?

Not all brown men and boys are thugs, drug dealers, and rapist.

I feel that in America brown = bad. Even if a person doesn’t consider themselves a racist.

I have seen people cross the street and lock their doors when my 15 year old son Denarius walks by. He is a 6 foot 3 inch teddy bear! He loves football and wrestling but he can rock a fussy baby to sleep better than a ton of mom’s I know with a ton of experience. He is a super gentle soul but all most people see is a big black man so he is something to fear.

Dayan my 13 year old dancer teaches little 3-year-old girls ballet. It is the cutest most heartwarming thing to see little bitty girls in their little leotards and tights running up to him screaming “Mr. Dayan, Mr. Dayan!”. They squeeze his legs and tell him they love him. I just melt every time I go to the studio and see that.

Dalvin is going to school to be a nurse.

Darius is trying to “find himself” (insert eye roll) and that's ok for now.

Tyree is a poet. He wants to be a rapper but I’m encouraging him to write a book of poetry because his words are profound.

I’m not saying my boys are perfect because they are not. All I’m saying is that they deserve the chance to live and thrive. The deserve the chance to be husbands and fathers. They deserve the chance to live.

And in America just because of the color of their skin they are in danger of dying. Love and Hugs!"

Pretties: Thank you Erica for sharing your thoughts, and experiences with us. 

I can't add much to this brave mother's story but I will beg. 

We need to admit the truth: Not being a racist is no longer enough. 

Please dig deep and find ways YOU can do to help change the world. 

Use your voice to change the perceptions. 

Young men like Tyree, Dalvin, Darius, Denarius, Dayan deserve to live without fearing for their lives. 

Many hugs, Z.