Thursday, November 8, 2018

What’s the Allure of BDSM?



I hear this question kicked around. I thought this might be a good first topic. Why do some people find BDSM engaging and quite delicious? Here are some possible reasons.

Power Exchange: It’s all about trust. The submissive hands over their mental, physical and at times their spiritual well-being to another/others. The Dominant(s) accepts the responsibility of being in control of someone else’s mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. This can be for the length of a scene, a day, a weekend or a lifetime. The exchange is an agreement that all parties are working with the other(s) to fulfill a need within themselves and satisfy the other(s). What each person gets out of it is unique to them.

submissive Reward: There is a freedom that can come to a submissive when they’re no longer in control. The stress of having to make decisions is shifted to the Dom and the sub can simply be. This is why negotiating a scene/contact/agreement is so important.

Dominant Reward: Receiving someone’s complete trust is heady in and of itself but then being allowed to steer someone to a place some describe as Heaven is a jolt of magic. Doms with a sadistic bent can create intense sensations in someone who has willingly submitted to the journey. Those that get off on control or guiding a sub are also able to find ways of getting those needs fulfilled.

subspace/Topspace: During certain activities or an intense scene pleasure and pain can release a ton of delicious chemicals including endorphins (which can be like a hit of morphine). This magical place is described in various ways and as with most things can be very individual. Some people experience it as: an out of body sensation, a deep calm, euphoria, quiet in the head, joy, nothingness, detached from reality, and possibly delightful incoherence.

Experimentation: BDSM play is something different, exciting, out of the norm. Learning about yourself and your partner(s) by exploring all the things BDSM has to offer can be a fun activity. The very nature of BDSM encourages discussion and communication on new or different activities and allows you to figure out how far you want to go.

Sexy Fantasy: BDSM interactions can be played out in a negotiated safe space. Clubs, dungeons, and play parties usually have staff/Dungeon Masters who can help guide the participants, and if need be intervene. But even if you’re playing in private, you and your partner should be clear as to what is happening so you can shape the experience into something you both want.

Enjoyment of pain: Sensations are sought out and perceptions about pain and pleasure can morph as endorphins are released. (At the risk of getting philosophic: Life is pain. We can’t avoid it. BDSM can allow you to access it and prove not only can you deal with the sensation but can tame pain into something positive.)

Deep Unexplained Need: In a world that is complex and confusing BDSM can provide the stability of a system that allows the very deepest needs met. Some people may have these overwhelming urges to submit/control, give/serve, guide/teach, be accepted and/or to prove themselves worthy. BDSM provides an outlet and activities to pour these needs/desires into. BDSM allows the sub/Dom to achieve and receive satisfaction on the most primitive level.

My Ending Thought: BDSM Play Varies
People need different things and they have different limits.
There’s not just one way to sub/Topspace.
Some people only dabble in sensual dominance (no pain but something more than vanilla sex maybe some toys and fantasy play) to more hardcore the entire spectrum is valid.
Many need/enjoy the ritual of leather, BDSM clothing, a traditional BDSM atmosphere while others don’t.

Get information lots of it: There are lots of workshops, books, online sites, clubs, munches (non-scene meetups), and other people involved who are happy to share. Just please keep in mind information can vary so the more you have the less likely you are to think your way is the only way spoiler: It’s not.

One of the main reasons why I wanted to do this blog is to help people reach a better understanding of BDSM, themselves, and their needs. I want to celebrate the individual expressions across the spectrum of BDSM.

Again, keep in mind: this blog is only one viewpoint, a small sampling of one love slave’s opinion. Always seek your own truth.

I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately. 

Rejected. Heartbroken. Devastated.

Zack Davis wanted to serve only one man, Andrew Nikeman. He was denied because Andrew thought he was too young and because their brothers were together. So Zack crushed his submissive tendencies and focused on being the perfect Dom, giving every sub he played with something he couldn’t have.

After years of denying his submissive side, Entwined’s charity auction “Are you Dom Enough to be a sub?” gives Zack an excuse to get a little of what he’s always craved.

Andrew doesn’t know when his infatuation turned into more, but it kills him to see Zack with a constant parade of submissives. He’d refused to jeopardize his brother’s relationship or become Zack’s regret; however, Zack isn’t a kid anymore, and his brother’s relationship is unbreakable. Now Zack’s popularity and success as a Dom might ruin Andrew’s dreams of collaring him, but he can’t wait any longer to confess his feelings or he risks losing the man he loves forever.


Thursday, November 1, 2018

Top 5 Unique Experiences I had while living in China


1) Being Center of Attention
Usually I happily fade into the background. In China my blonde hair, pale skin, and my blue eyes made that impossible. I became a curiosity people wanted to see… and touch. I started taking pictures of people taking pictures of me.
2) Travel: We were able to travel to Thailand, Cambodia, Japan, South Korea, Tibet, and varies places in China > that I never dreamed of getting to visit… but if you’re almost already there >> WHY NOT?
3) Massages: Having a lovely man named Guy Chuang walked on my back 2-3 times a week. (BTW here’s some TMI when someone walks on my ass I giggle… just saying I find it hysterical) When we first moved to Suzhou massages were $8/hour.
4) I had a housekeeper. I didn’t want one but I was basically told this woman couldn’t be reunited with her son if she didn’t have a second job… I gave her a job but with my obsessive need to clean I didn’t give her much work LOL.
5) Taking art lessons from an art professor. She spoke no English and I spoke only a little Chinese. At times, my teacher would hand over hand show me what she wanted me to do. My friend (& driver) had studied art when he was younger so he joined me at the end of each lesson so she could talk to me directly about my work. (Psst, in The Temple of Heaven Jordon takes a couple art lessons too but he’s more determined than I was to set his own boundaries. I just went along with what the teacher wanted me to do.)


The Temple of Heaven’s Blurb
Music is Tian Di’s life and his love, and he’s made plenty of sacrifices. His career is finally taking off with his band, Made in China, and he’ll continue to put music first... until he meets Jordon. Then insta- lust becomes insta-love and a commitment to the future—no matter how difficult it might be.
Jordon lives in a bubble constructed by his overprotective older brothers, who are so controlling that they’ve kept him from dating. A talented artist, Jordon managed to keep his success with a Japanese manga publisher a secret from his family, but now he fears discovery. It’s easier to let his brothers handle everything, but Jordon has reached his limit. He’s ready to draw some boundaries so he can be his own man and face all the challenges that come with that.
Their families and careers aren’t the only obstacles. Jordon must accept his identity as a gay man who doesn’t top or bottom. Fortunately, Tian Di—and his special talents—help Jordon open up to his sexuality in an erotic adventure that spans Japan and China, and with love, luck, hard work, and open minds, will end in a happily ever after. 








Thursday, October 25, 2018

I EXIST


"The Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, the most drastic move yet in a governmentwide effort to roll back recognition and protections of transgender people under federal civil rights law."

‘Transgender’ Could Be Defined Out of Existence Under Trump Administration


If you're one of my readers or a Pretty on Facebook you know I'm nonbinary of the transmasculine variety. (I don't adhere to the gender binary and my brain is more boy than anything else > okay some of my z-bies have clarified by saying a 13 yr old boy whose in puberty... okay I resemble that!)

This is another shot at dividing us and reinforcing how little we matter right now.

"The new definition would essentially eradicate federal recognition of the estimated 1.4 million Americans who have opted to recognize themselves — surgically or otherwise — as a gender other than the one they were born into." 

“This takes a position that what the medical community understands about their patients — what people understand about themselves — is irrelevant because the government disagrees,” said Catherine E. Lhamon.

This means the little protections that are granted to Transfolks will be stripped from them. It means the narrow definition means "statistics" taken on hate crimes, suicide rates, funding, everything will be off.

I EXIST.

Here's one of the many articles out there... It's horrifying. Please educate yourself (find me on Facebook or email me with questions and concerns) and VOTE. VOTE. VOTE. VOTE.

Many hugs, Z. Allora


An article in The New York Times Oct. 21, 2018 By Erica L. Green, Katie Benner and Robert Pear

Article: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/21/us/politics/transgender-trump-administration-sex-definition.html?fbclid=IwAR2X4j0DYBdVAS5pOFcXh2-3g8RZDu4HqIflxqBIyU_Q-8nEgY5avUVpqRY

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Meditation


We all know we'd benefit from some calm mindfulness but many of us don't take the time to do so. Here's a website that lets you sign up for free to try out mediation.


Some other ways is focus on your breathing for 60 seconds. Inhale and exhale for longer than you inhaled... again and again.

You might like this guided meditation to relief anxiety. (I've find it helpful)



Enjoy some calm.

Many hugs, Z.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

How an image became a series...


Zombies suck but mine swallow.

The Zombies Coming cover shows Erick McGrath in a cheerleading outfit which was the original plot bunny that forced me to write this series. I needed to know who he was and where he was… I was quite disturbed to find his story was the third in a series.  


Zombie Ahead tells how Club Zombie was started as a haven from zombies. The club is set up so they can get the male essence they need to survive. Book #2 Zombies Suck is the story of Erick’s brother finding out about zombies and becoming one. Zombies Coming is finally Erick’s story. 

At the start of the Zombies Coming, Erick goes to Club Zombie to attend their Drag Night. It’s well outside his comfort zone but he wants to explore what it means to be nonbinary.

Cassidy Frost has been a zombie for twenty-eight-years and is starting to give up on ever finding a mate. He’s exhausted down to his soul but he can’t expect his mate to fall into his lap so he drags himself to the club. Though later that evening when he catches an armful of a gorgeous cheerleader he can only hope….

Zombies Coming
Club Zombie is a safe haven for people like Cassidy Frost. Zombies suck—but they’re not after brains! Forget mindless rotting corpses shuffling along. These zombies are young, hot, and looking for their mates.

Cassidy, who wrote everyone else’s happily ever after, had all but lost hope he’d ever find his own. Every night he sucked until his jaw hurt, praying for his other half more out of habit than faith his mate was out there. He didn’t dare hope fate would drop his mate into his lap.

Erick McGrath stumbled and landed in the arms of a beautiful angel. Though he must be dreaming, because he learned how cruel and short life could be when he lost his brother. Despite his parents’ toxic attitude, Erick starts to accept his nonbinary gender identity. Going to Club Zombie’s Drag Night is his first attempt at embracing his new grasp at freedom.

But Cassidy and Erick will have to take risks to have what they desire.

(Zombies Coming is part of the Club Zombie series but can be read as a standalone for a perfectly happy and satisfying ending.)



Thursday, October 4, 2018

Club Zombie Cover Art


This cover is pretty significant to the entire Club Zombie series. The art is based on the original scene Ally Blue planted in my head, and kept watering it while I lived in China

I said, “I don’t do zombies. There’s just not sexy.”
Ally said, “Come on, Z. I bet you could figure out a way.”
Laughing I added, “Well, if I wrote zombies they wouldn’t be after brains…. Zombies suck but mine would swallow.”
And birth of a series!

For some reason, a person assigned male at birth stood on the landing of a club wearing a cheer leading outfit. (Ally added crooked pony tails to the image.)

I went insane trying to figure out where he was, who he was, and how the hell he was involved with zombies… The next scene was him falling into the arms of a man dressed as an angel… Again, no damn clue.

I needed to write Zombies Ahead and then Zombies Suck to get to Erick’s story.

PL Nunn, the artist who did the cover decided a night time scene would be cool. That’s the way the cover morphed from the landing (which started the series in my head back in early 2011) to showing Erick right after he leaves his car to go into Club Zombie. 



Thursday, September 27, 2018

Nonbinary & Gender Fluid



Erick McGrath is a nonbinary.
"Genderqueer, also known as non-binary, is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍—‌identities which are outside the gender binary and cisnormativity. Genderqueer people may express a combination of masculinity and femininity, or neither, in their gender expression." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer)

Cassidy Frost is gender fluid. 
"Genderqueer people may identify as either having an overlap of, or indefinite lines between, gender identity;[2] having two or more genders (being bigender, trigender, or pangender); having no gender (being agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree or neutrois); moving between genders or having a fluctuating gender identity (genderfluid);[3] or being third gender or other-gendered, a category which includes those who do not place a name to their gender.[4]" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer)

Both nonbinary & gender fluid are under the transgender stripe of the LGBTQIA rainbown.

**Keep in mind >>> Gender is very unique to the person. How they feel it and express is their experience... it might not be everyone else's or it might be**

That's one of my biggest fears of writing this book is people who identify as nonbinary or gender fluid would be upset/hurt because Erick and Cassidy express and present themselves differently than they do. Everyone needs to remember there's a ton of variations in the spectrum of nonbinary & gender fluid.... and everything for that matter.

Zombies Coming

Club Zombie is a safe haven for people like Cassidy Frost. Zombies suck—but they’re not after brains! Forget mindless rotting corpses shuffling along. These zombies are young, hot, and looking for their mates.

Cassidy, who wrote everyone else’s happily ever after, had all but lost hope he’d ever find his own. Every night he sucked until his jaw hurt, praying for his other half more out of habit than faith his mate was out there. He didn’t dare hope fate would drop his mate into his lap.

Erick McGrath stumbled and landed in the arms of a beautiful angel. Though he must be dreaming, because he learned how cruel and short life could be when he lost his brother. Despite his parents’ toxic attitude, Erick starts to accept his nonbinary gender identity. Going to Club Zombie’s Drag Night is his first attempt at embracing his new grasp at freedom.

But Cassidy and Erick will have to take risks to have what they desire.


(Zombies Coming is part of the Club Zombie series but can be read as a standalone for a perfectly happy and satisfying ending.)