BDSM is about exchanging power with another/others.
Total Power Exchange (TPE) is when there is a consensual
agreement that the Dominant takes complete responsibility for the sub/slave and
the sub/slave agrees to adhere to the Dominant’s authority in all realms. The
dynamic doesn’t stop after a scene but it continues 24/7.
(Since some people don’t like to term slave I will use both
sub/submissive and slave… and yes, some would criticize me with love that TPE
by definition means the sub is a slave. And for the fact I use the term
person/people to include the slave/sub so mark me down as a rebel with too many
causes but sub/slave is how I’m moving forward.)
I will say I’ve met many people who believe in the all or
nothing way of BDSM and that filters through to Total Power Exchange. If it
works for them great, but after 30+ years, I live in the real world: What works
for some doesn’t may not work for others.
Just because you don’t take TPE to the extreme doesn’t make
what you’re doing any less valid than folks doing everything by the “rules”
24/7.
**To me there is NO wrong way if the people engaging in
this type of relationship are contented and no one else is being harmed I say
go for it in the way that sparks your joy and fits YOUR reality**
A Total Power Exchange is a HUGE deal. Emphasis on the world
TOTAL, you are exchanging power on all levels and without an end.
Many times, this is the ultimate fantasy for a sub. To give
themselves over completely and the Master will fill their life with purpose.
Providing the gift of service to a Master who gives you what you need seems flawless.
What could possibly interfere with the deliciousness of TPE?
How does total power
exchange translate into public life? Are both Master and slave/sub
comfortable with the idea of EVERYONE knowing including but not limited to:
family, non-BDSM friends, work peers, bosses, grocery clerks, kids, etc.
EVERYONE?
Or do you need to negotiate who knows. Also, what are the
consequences of people knowing and of not knowing? How can you lessen the
negative impact?
Does the slave/sub continue to work outside the home?
What is the extent of the
Master’s authority?
Total?
Great, let’s step beyond the sexiness of the Master
controlling the slave’s orgasms, and commanding them about while they prance
around with fluid grace. How about when and where (& in some cases how) the
slave is able to go to the bathroom? Financial decisions? Health decisions? Family
decisions?
To what level does the Master and slave/sub want the
slave/sub’s schedule micromanaged. That’s no small undertaking if they want it
to be “total” control. Even if you have a nice routine ironed out what happens
when the unexpected occurs? Are there contingencies in place? Should the
sub/slave contact the Master? What if they can’t be reached? If there’s an
emergency how should the slave/sub react? Call their Master before 9-1-1?
On one extreme the Master decides everything and the
relationship is known to everyone. The sub/slave doesn’t work outside the home
and is given a routine from the Master and all contingencies are
taken-into-account. There’s a secure safety plan in place. There is no
softening of how the Master and slave/sub interact regardless of the situation.
Some people can manage this and be extremely happy for their entire lives. I’ve
met a handful and I think it’s amazing and beautiful.
But perhaps people who are in a forever relationship and are
in a TPE there might be times when things come up where the sub/slave
should/must/needs (gasp) to have an equal say in a particular matter so they
use a loophole of 23/7.
23/7 makes allowances for reality. In many total power
exchange relationships there is no safeword. If an unexpected and unplanned
emergency happens and the slave/sub needs to stop the TPE for a time and deal
with the situation as a full partner 23/7 takes that into account. I don’t have
kids but I’d imagine both parents might want a say in raising them, decisions
on elderly parents, moving, huge financial commitments, etc. (Again, when other
people are impacted a closer look needs to be given.)
Contract
There is usually a contract (though some people don’t have
one). A contract can help each person clarify responsibilities, expectations,
goals, etc. The contract can be written as specific or open as the individuals
chose. Maybe 23/7 isn’t enough and more equality, at times is needed to enhance
the relationship. Contract negotiation is the time to figure these variables
out to the best of your abilities.
Here’s site offers that offers TPE Contracts: https://bdsmcontracts.org/master-slave-contract
((SIDE NOTE for sub/slaves: Please be EXTEMELY careful of
the partner(s) you chose to enter into a TPE with because this could quickly
turn into a nightmare. Your mental and physical health is important make sure
it’s being addressed by someone who takes their responsibilities seriously.))
Adapting a Total Power
Exchange to Reality
I believe with enough creativity you can get around almost
any obstacle. So, if this is something you crave FIGURE IT OUT. Here’s some off
the cuff ideas for making TPE work.
Dealing with Others: Some might be down with the sub/slave
kneeling at their Master’s feet while others might not be. Or the people in the
relationship might not want to share such personal information with others.
Some work arounds might be:
*Put the 24/7 on hold until alone (though that can be
jarring for everyone involved).
*Find other ways to reinforce the dynamic. Many BDSM type
interactions could be exchanged for something that passes as sweetness between
couples.
*Changing the
titles to endearments, instead of Master honey or sweetheart might work.
*Instead of
kneeling at the Master’s feet maybe they choose/order the slave/sub’s meal. At
a dinner party the sub could fill the Master’s plate with food.
*Perhaps instead
of asking permission to eat/do X the sub might say “Mmmm, everything looks so
good.” And the Master could reply, “Try the string beans they’re delicious.”
> Gives permission as well as direction.
*Subtle requests
could be done with a raised eyebrow, a hand squeeze, a touch… morph the typical
couple’s signals into BDSM speak.
Micromanagement: As with any good job description there
is a section of clear responsibilities. The more specific the sub/slave’s
routine the better it is for all concerned. Remember there is always that
phrase “And any other assigned duties” that gives wiggle room to add and
refine.
Bottom line if you want a total power exchange to work:
1)
Discuss with full
disclosure all of your needs, wants, misgivings
2)
Creatively figure out how
to overcome obstacles
3)
Plan
4)
Possibly run a trial period
to work out (or in) the kinks.
5)
Have a contract
6)
And don’t invalidate
yourself if your TPE isn’t perfectly by someone else’s rules
7)
Don’t be afraid to revisit
the contract as people evolve and their needs change
Total Power Exchange is considered in Lock and Key.
Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the
contact information to touch base with me privately.
Many hugs,
Z. Allora
