Cue the eye roll... Stay with me, Pretty Ones
BDSM DOESN’T CURE EVERYTHING, BUT IT DOES HAVE BENEFITS THAT CAN PROMOTE HEALING.
(As always, results will vary based on individual
differences)
1) BDSM as a break.
1) BDSM as a break.
There’s no thinking/worrying/obsessing when you hit deep
subspace. You’re completely in the moment. At times, it can be an almost
meditative state (comparable to yoga).
Top space/subspace—or “the flow” as some refer to it—reduces
stress hormones. The mental break can sometimes help you find a solution or new
perspective just by focusing on BDSM.
2) Attention
Having someone truly hear and see you is incredible. I’d bet
most of us can remember when we didn’t get the attention we craved from a
parent, friend, teacher, lover, etc. Not a big deal, right? Sometimes, it can
leave scars that even we don’t attend to and it can affect our self-esteem, how
we interact with others, how we trust, etc. BDSM steps in and provides
attention. Both the sub and the Dom(s) are focused on each other. The rest of
the world fades away.
3)Acknowledging the Hurt
I’m going to quote Ani who wrote these words in How BDSM
Heals My Childhood Wounds: “When someone hurts me (during a scene), they
acknowledge that they are hurting me. They want to hurt me. And they
know that I am hurting, because I am moaning or screaming or begging them to
stop. And they tell me that they know it hurts. And there is something healing
to that, this witnessing of my pain, even as they are causing it. There’s a
shared knowledge, a secret covenant, between sadist and masochist: ‘I will hurt
you. You will suffer for me. In exchange, I will see your pain and guide you
through it. I will help you transcend it.’”
Maybe it’s because I’m in edits, but her words remind me of
a romance arc: the characters meet, spend time together, go through some
trauma/drama, and emerge on the other side stronger for the journey. Reading
about a characters overcoming obstacles and triumphing reassures us, gives us
hope, helps us think beyond our current issues to a happily ever after.
4) BDSM can release endorphins. Endorphins regulate pain, stress, and cravings.
4) BDSM can release endorphins. Endorphins regulate pain, stress, and cravings.
>>> In Secured and Free, Marcus uses a bit
of torment to help Orion through his anxiety over even discussing BDSM. One of
the ways to get through anxiety is alternate stimulation.
Excerpt from Secured and Free Marcus’s Cock Therapy:
(Orion is shying away from communicating with his Doms
because he sees it as topping from the bottom.)
“I consider it more like communication.” Hunt was firm, but
Orion shook his head as if he missed the point.
“Sexy one, Hunter’s all that, but he’s not infallible. No
Dom is.” Why did Marcus feel like he was telling a kid the Easter Bunny wasn’t
real? Marcus slid his finger around the crown of Orion’s cock in compensation
for the loss.
“Oh God! Marcus!” Orion’s head hit the back of the sofa.
Marcus spread the wetness from the tip all over Orion’s
cock. “God Marcus... that has a ring to it.”
He could be developing the first ever cock therapy. Imagine
all the difficult issues people could deal with as he tormented their dicks.
Nah, he liked the two dicks he had to tease.
5) BDSM strengthens bonds between couples.
There was a study published a few years ago that suggested
BDSM couples “felt more secure in their relationships and had an increased
sense of well-being. They were more conscientious toward others, more
extraverted, more open to trying new experiences, had decreased anxiety, and
were less sensitive to others’ perceptions. Interestingly, they were also more
aware of their own sexual needs ….”
((http://sexualhealth.about.com/od/sextherapy/ss/The-Health-Benefits-of-BDSM.htm))
I do believe the trope of BDSM healing is based in reality (at least in my experience).
I do believe the trope of BDSM healing is based in reality (at least in my experience).
In Secured and Free, during a sub meeting, a member
explains how the use of a bracelet that can be turned into cuffs is helping her
deal with her extreme shyness.
This is a simple bracelet... but for someone with anxiety, it can remind them of the calm they experience when secured with rope as well as grant some of the benefits BDSM has been shown to give.
And if the bracelet isn’t enough of a reminder, they open up into sturdy cuffs.
They come in various colors and designs. I worked with a charming man who custom made these for me. His website is: Leather Wood Studios
This is an excerpt from Secured and Free’s sub meeting.
Orion has given up on BDSM. A violation stole the trust he needed to have to do
a scene. After meeting Hunter and Marcus, Orion longs to find a way back to
BDSM...
Excerpt from Secured and Free:
Circling the room before taking his seat, Zack said, “I’d
like to invite Erin to share.”
“Erin’s here?” “Erin’s going to speak?” and variations on
the question made its way around the room. Applause broke out when she took the
floor.
She grinned. “Yes, Erin is here, and I wanted to share.”
Erin, a collared submissive who Orion rarely heard speak above a whisper and
who usually hid behind her wealth of red hair, had more confidence than he
remembered.
Erin rubbed two fingers across a red leather bracelet
decorated with a grouping of three black hearts. “Most of you know about my
severe anxiety.”
Her anxiety kept her out of most play parties, sub meetings,
and demonstrations because she couldn’t handle the stimulation of a crowd. Seeing
her stand and speak to about fifty subs in attendance was nothing short of
miraculous.
Throwing her wavy hair over her shoulders, she said, “I don’t
think I’ve found a cure for anxiety or anything, but I found assistance.”
Most subs leaned forward.
She held out her
braceleted wrist. “This is my secret weapon.” Ross squinted. “A bracelet? It’s
pretty and all, but—”
“It’s actually cuffs.” She stepped over to Zack. “Would you
please?”
“Of course.” Zack unsnapped the leather, opened the
bracelet into two bands of leather, and then resnapped the circles so a loop
wrapped around each wrist.
Erin held up her hands, which were now cuffed, and tugged. “Now
I know everyone views things differently. Some people see bondage as....”
“Sexy and hot.” “Punishment,” a newbie called out. “Allowing
the sub’s beauty to be displayed, and a way of creating living art,” Zack, who
was one of the best in Japanese erotic bondage, added.
Erin nodded. “It’s different for everyone. For me, when my
Mistress and Master put me in bondage, it’s like a day at the spa.”
Orion blocked out the envy and the wishes of his rope-laden
fantasies. He’d heard tales of Hunter’s prowess with suspension work. Oh, the
positions—stop!
He refocused on Erin. “As soon as the ropes start to wrap
around me, I relax. I trust Mistress Jess and Master Ralph will take care of
everything, and I can just be.”
Sam grinned. “So how does the magic bracelet work?”
Erin giggled. “It’s not magic, but wearing it allows me to
access a bit of that calm I experience when in bondage. Each morning my
Mistress and Master will call me over to them and put the bracelet on me. They
both tell me to remember I’m loved and safe.” She shrugged. “I’ve been able to do
more and more stuff that my anxiety used to stop me from doing.”
“The bracelet puts you in subspace?” Sam asked.
Orion had gotten tiny tastes of subspace while having Hunter
and Marcus sex him up.
“Um... not really... maybe.... It lets me remember that
heavenly place and gives me a relaxed feeling. Even though I’m still nervous
standing here. Talking to a group was never something I’d have done ever
before.”
By the way, I used this bracelet at the Denver GRL. I’m
terrified of talking in front of a large group of people, so between the legal
pot and the bracelet I was able to sit there and not flee. Erin had more
success than I did but I was able to survive it. (Though a number of people asked
what was going on because I was twisting the bracelet. I was desperate for it
to be tighter and to hurt… no worries, no more panels for me!)
Entwined Dreams: Book Two
An abusive Dom robbed Orion Gordon of his love of BDSM,
destroying his confidence and leaving him unsure he’ll ever find peace through submission
to another. Still, deep inside, his longing continues.
Marcus Sadir loves Hunter Dixon, yet can’t be the one thing
Hunter truly desires: a sub to control. And Hunter can’t find satisfaction in
the sadistic aspects of the BDSM lifestyle, while Marcus thrives on inflicting
and sharing pain. When Marcus convinces Hunter they should find a third on a
permanent basis, they discover Orion might be the key to bridging their
differences and joining them on a deeper level.
But they must help Orion move past his trauma enough for him
to enjoy new facets of BDSM and kink again. Their journey toward becoming
whole—together—won’t be without challenges. Can Orion trust enough to try
again?
BUY LINKS:
Many people take issue with the idea BDSM can heal.
That’s fine… for some people, maybe it can’t assist them, but I’ve used aspects
of BDSM in my life and have found it makes me happier and healthier. Did it
solve my problems? No, but the practice gave me a break from anxiety, and in
some cases the courage and strength to deal with issues in a more productive
way. Again, everyone’s different.
Many Hugs,
Z. Allora
Z. Allora
Always Seek Your Own Truth
To contact Z.
Allora:
E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com
Website: www.zallorabooks.com
Twitter: @ZAllora
Dreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1
BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for
everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to
over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now
back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of
those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and
acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her
the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.
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