You can probably guess my feelings so I did a bit of
research.
In Psychology
Today’s article: Is BDSM/Kink a Hobby or
a Sexual Orientation? Posted May 20, 2019, the question
raised is how do you define orientation.
What defines orientation?
To quote: “different scientists think
about this in different ways. Some define it in very narrow terms, looking at
it specifically as something that orients us to partners based on sex or gender;
however, others take a more expansive view.
“Some argue that we have multiple sexual orientations and
that the characteristics of these orientations are as follows: (a) sexual attraction that is strong and
persistent; (b) relative immutability/fluidity of sexual attraction or arousal
that is beyond conscious control; (c) early onset, developmentally, in childhood or adolescence; (d) significant
psychological consequences to denying, exploring, fulfilling, or repressing
sexual attraction and arousal; and (e) lifelong patterns of sexual attraction
and arousal.” ((Psychology Today Is BDSM/Kink a Hobby or a Sexual
Orientation? Posted May 20, 2019
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/201905/is-bdsmkink-hobby-or-sexual-orientation))
Can BDSM be an Orientation?
“If you view kink/BDSM through this lens, some research does
support the idea that it may be orientation. For example, research finds
that the vast majority of BDSM practitioners report that their sexual interests
developed relatively early in life, specifically before the age of 25. Further,
a minority of these folks (7 to 12 percent across studies) report that
their interests developed around the time of puberty (between ages 10 to 12),
which is when other traditional aspects of sexual orientation develop (e.g., attraction based on sex or gender).”
((Psychology Today Is BDSM/Kink a Hobby or a Sexual
Orientation? Posted May 20, 2019
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/201905/is-bdsmkink-hobby-or-sexual-orientation))
The article doesn’t come down on one side of or the other of
this argument. “They argue that the leisure and sexual orientation views of
kink/BDSM are not mutually exclusive. In other words, perhaps both of them may
be correct, meaning that kink/BDSM could be a leisure activity for some,
but more of an orientation for others.” ((Psychology Today Is BDSM/Kink a
Hobby or a Sexual Orientation? Posted May 20, 2019
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/201905/is-bdsmkink-hobby-or-sexual-orientation))
In my humble opinion this makes sense. For some people, BDSM
could be an essential part of their sexuality and for others it might just be a
leisure activity. As with Kline, I’ll point out this could alter/shift/change
over time based on life, and experiences. (Not for nothing I was 4 when I
figured out those things were BDSM-y hit me on a primal level.)
Once again, we are left with being forced to look inwards to
determine what works for us. There is no definite right answer because it
depends on the individual. (Everyone is validated!)
Iceland Embraces BDSM
as an Orientation
In 2016, Iceland started to include BDSM as part of the
rainbow community. I’m going to quote Andie Sophia Fontaine, “What isn’t so
great is the lack of self-reflection that shows when people who do not even
practice BDSM feel they have the other authority to tell those who do that it’s
not an orientation but a lifestyle choice. Members of the queer community have
fought for decades to have their sexual orientations recognised as such, and
it’s a struggle that continues to this day. It is therefore sad and frustrating
to hear voices arise within this community using the exact same arguments that
have been used against them, often to justify discrimination and oppression,
only aiming them at another group of people.
Human rights don’t just apply to people you agree with.
They’re not called “friend’s rights”, after all. We apply them to everyone.
People who deny kinksters the right to define their orientation and dismiss
their personal experiences with prejudice are only proving the point. Fighting
oppression and liberating the marginalised should be everyone’s fight. We
cannot do this if we lack the awareness of our own prejudices, and discriminate
against others in ways we would never want to be discriminated against
ourselves. We are all in this together. It’s high time we started acting like
it.”
((BDSM, Sexual Orientation, And Prejudice Published
March 9, 2016 written by Andie Sophia Fontaine https://grapevine.is/mag/column-opinion/2016/03/09/9946118)
In an article written by James Besanvalle,
he says, “In 2016, members of the National Queer Organization — established
just over 40 years ago — voted to include the BDSM community into the
organization, causing irreparable damage with some of the early pioneers of the
movement…The decision shook the LGBTI community to its core.
But since then, the LGBTI community has grown from strength
to strength. As recent as last week (20 June), the Nordic country passed a law to make it easier for trans and non-binary
people to change their legal gender.”
June 24, 2019.
Where is the USA on BDSM as an Orientation?
National Public Radio did a broadcast: LGBTQ…K?: Kink’s
Place in the Alphabet Soup of Queerness By: Juli Holbert, Ky Cobb Posted on: Tuesday, April 3, 2018 I’d like to
share some of the transcript with you.
“Kink is defined as “an unconventional sexual taste or
behavior.” Many in the “kinky” community subscribe to BDSM as a defining
element of their sexuality. BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and
masochism.
There are some people like Crane who believe kink is an
essential part of their sexuality and not something they can “choose.”
“And it has its own set of rules, it’s own spectrum in terms
of intensity and who you’re interacting with,” Crane said.
And while many members of the LGBTQ community feel the same
way about their sexuality, they also believe “kink” is just… not queer.
“Kinky people who are a part of the LGBT community also
experience discrimination from within the LGBT community,” Crane said.
“Kinkaphobia towards people who are kinky in the LGBT community; they’re
outcasted because they think it’s such a taboo subject that they don’t want to
talk about it.”
Leigh Ferrero, a queer senior at Ohio University, believes
while kink as an identity is valid, it does not belong on the same spectrum as
sexuality.
“LGBT people have already been stigmatized so much already,
and BDSM has its own stigmas, but I don’t think it’s very fair to equate
those,” Ferrero said. “Especially when BDSM is more of a preference-based kind
of thing, not so much a sexuality.” ((https://woub.org/2018/04/03/lgbtq-k-kinks-place-alphabet-soup-queerness))
Should K be included in the alphabet-soup acronym?
At the time of this here are some variations: LGBTQQIP2SAA, LGBTQQICAPF2K,
LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP
The first acronym stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit, androgynous
and asexual. The second one includes K for kink (BDSM).
It seems overly much until you realize people are looking
for identity and community. And I’m not going to fall on the side of the fence
that denies anyone. There are people in the world where BDSM is part or all of
their orientation and there are people who BDSM recreationally > Both are
valid..
Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the
contact information to touch base with me privately.
Many hugs,
Z. Allora
To contact Z. Allora:
E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com
Website: www.zallorabooks.com
Twitter: @ZAllora
Dreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1
BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for
everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to
over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now
back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of
those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and
acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her
the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.
