Non Con & Rape in BL Dramas/Fiction/Yaoi

So let me be clear: Rape Culture is everywhere... in every country... in every part of society.
We've been ingesting it since the beginning of time.
In recent decades, we have begun to acknowledge the issue and have started to speak out on the topic.
I'm not looking to debate rape is bad. Rape is not based in love but violence and lack of respect for the other person.
However, at times we see it in TV, movies, in romances, yaois, and in BL drama (M/M romance dramas) shown in a twisted way that makes it seem okay.
The normalization of rape seeps into us...
I'm posting this vloggers video because I think she addresses the subject and wants to start a conversation. She focuses on BL out of Thailand but is not (and neither am I) saying that that's the only place the problem is... cause it's not.
But since I write in a yaoified fashion I need to own up to how some things are portrayed.

What's the answer?
Acknowledging the issue is a good start. If you're able give feedback to the writers, and directors when they get it right and when they get it wrong that would be awesome in moving into a better direction. (I've had more than one beta/alpha reader and editors pull me back and say you know that this sounds like you're saying this is okay... whether my unconscious ingestion, lack of writing talent or confusion I made sure it was fixed.)
Educating yourself and others and parents (both current & future) teaching and correcting your child's view on this subject would go a long way in making the world safer.
This is on all of us to make a better world.
Many hugs, Z.

What is Domestic Discipline?

A relationship where one partner is the more dominant or the Head of the Household (HoH). They have the responsibility of making the final decisions and help their partner meet their goals. The more submissive partner is called Taken in Hand (TiH). They seek the guidance of the HoH. When the TiH acts out, breaks established rules or is working counter to their own best interest they are punished. The HoH and the TiH work together to find balance in their life.

Much of what’s out there is based on heterosexual couples this is not to say polyamorous people can’t utilize this in their relationships, or same sex couples can’t (obliviously!) nor is it to suggest the partners must only be in one role. In some of DD relationships each partner can hold each role and act accordingly. it just might take a bit of digging to find what reflects what you are looking for in domestic discipline.

Communication & Negotiation

As with most things I blog about here > I stress communication. People have difficulties working without an understanding of the rules. First thing is to set the rules because Domestic Discipline and then decide on the consequences for not following the rules.

Discuss how this will work? Who is in charge? (And possibly when?)

Talk! Try, and then reassess. Figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Rules

To start most list their rules and goals for the TiH. These rules help the HoH guide as well as keep the TiH on track. Setting goals, keeping track, and receiving consequences is key to the DD relationships.

Rewards motivate and punishments deterrent.

There’s a lot of talk of the 3 D’s. These are rules to avoid dishonesty, disrespect, and disobedience. They along with rules about Safety & Health are the cornerstones of the DD relationship.

Once the rules are agreed upon, people might set goals and work toward them.

Sometimes, the punishments may start with a verbal warning to remind the TiH of discipline attached to continuing the behavior. That may be enough to bring the TiH back in line.

Discipline

Usually I’ve seen lots of discussions on spankings, early bedtimes, corner time, taking away a privilege (TV time) and groundings. However the punishment is meant to be unpleasant enough to help the TiH to avoid the behavior/action, and therefore should be specific to the TiH.

Aftercare

Just like with BDSM, aftercare ensures the TiH feels safe, and calm. This is important to reinforce the relationship. Usually because this type of relationship is in a marriage or partnership making sure the TiH feels loved is vital. Aftercare can range from sex to petting to talking, anything that helps transit the person back to moving forward.

Why Domestic Discipline instead of BDSM?

As you can see there are plenty of similarities and crossovers.

Though in BDSM the activity can be done separate from life but with HoH it’s integrated as part of their life. (This isn’t to say that BDSM can’t be merged into one’s life as well.)

There is no safeword to stop the punishment in Domestic Discipline because there is no pushing of boundaries. The punishments have been agreed on by the TiH, and aren’t meant to be extreme. There aren’t built in outs.

In DD, discipline is punishment for breaking a rule, and maintenance/reminder punishments are to help keep the TiH on track. They can reinforce the relationship.

The HoH(s) and TiH(s) are usually in a loving relationship, and it is like any other partnership. There are disagreements, debate, but the decision falls to the HoH. ((In BDSM the loving relationship may or may not be part of it… breaking and confusing my romance writing heart! But those are the facts.))

Punishments are not given to the TiH to simply endure the pain or prove their submission. They are provided as guidance and consequences.

While some TiH might be turned on by spankings, corner time, early bedtime, etc. that’s not usually the goal or expectation.

How Do You Decide if You Want BDSM or DD?

It comes down to how you want to define your world, and how you want things to work.

In DD, there’s usually no safeword and it’s not connected (directly) to sexual expression but it must be consensual. (Even as I type this I know there’s some people in BDSM relationships who would say that’s how they live too but they call it something else. That’s fine and valid.)

Remember this is about you and your partner(s). Do what’s right for you.

This is an excerpt from Zombies Blow (M/M/M fated mates work in progress)

Background: Corey and Jax have played in BDSM clubs but Corey has never been satisfied by that. He’s needed more. Someone to help him do better. This scene takes place after he’s been missing most of the day.

“This is the second time you’ve been irresponsible.” Jackson frowned.

Not liking Jackson’s expression, Corey shoved his hands into his short pockets, and ducked his head. “What do you want me to say?”

Cause right now he’d say anything, do anything not to feel so terrible. Jackson worried about him and Corey was careless. From the look of Keith, he wasn’t unaffected.

“You’ve been immature and petty, haven’t you?” Keith’s were stern and measured.

He wasn’t wrong. Corey nodded…and waited.

Would he finally get what he’d always craved? Could Keith take him in hand and call him on his bullshit? He needed to be held accountable. Corey wanted to be good person but sometimes nastiness crept over him morphing into some selfish terrible creature he didn’t want to be. Would Keith be able to help him?

“Corey, could you use your words?” Jackson asked as the overly zealous assistant.

He almost fell into the old comfortable pattern of shoving Jackson back away from where Corey needed to go but one look at the spark in Jackson’s eyes told him his lover of twenty years had gotten a new playbook from Keith. ”Yes, I wasn’t thinking and I was selfish. I was upset and just needed to get out of here.”

“Why didn’t you come talk to Jax or me?”

Corey shrugged. “I figured you two wouldn’t even know I was gone.”

“Corey, you know that’s not true.” Jackson sighed.

"Playing games and seeking attention isn’t part of an adult relationships. Has Jackson ever treated you that way?" Keith asked.

"No sir,” he replied. The sir slipped out as naturally as breathing.

Unlike the BDSM scenes, this felt real and meaningful. This was what Corey wanted.

Jackson patted him on the shoulder letting Corey know he was on the right path.

”Well, I think you need to be punished. Don’t you agree?“ The determined set of Keith’s jaw made Corey shiver.

Did he? Fuck! Yeah, he did.

Finally! Corey’s dick lengthen and took more interest in the goings on.

A muscle under Keith’s left eye twitched. “Corey, please answer me. Do you deserve to be punished?”

No, no, of course not. What was Keith crazy? A combination of desperate need and want made him spit out, “Yes, Keith.”

What the fuck am I getting into?

Keith winked at him reassuring Corey nothing too terrible would take place.

Zombies Blow

Each relationship is different and might even evolve over time. Figure out what works for you and attach (or not) whatever label you want.

Always seek your own truth.

I’d love to hear from you so feel free to use the contact information and touch base with me.

Many hugs,

Z. Allora

To contact Z. Allora:

E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com

FACEBOOK:   Z Allora Allora

Website: www.zallorabooks.com

Twitter: @ZAllora

Blog: http://zallora.blogspot.com

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Deleted Scene from Zombies Blow

Sometimes editors know best... but it's hard for an author to toss away a scene... so I give you Corey The Tooth Pincher deleted from Chapter 2 of Zombies Blow. 

 

Corey the Tooth Pincher Deleted Scene from Chapter 2

“Suck me!” the stranger demanded. His hand tightened in Jackson’s hair.

Corey growled.

Oh, shit! Jackson saw the nerve underneath Corey’s eye twitch, a warning someone was going to be sorry if they didn’t back off.

Jackson slid his mouth off the guy’s cock and along the side of the shaft so he could reach Corey’s lips with his. It was like kissing around a dick but sometimes, just knowing they were in this together calmed Corey.

Corey Anderson was Jackson’s mate, and they’d been together almost as soon as Jackson had transitioned into being a zombie. Corey was kind, sweet, and he longed to serve. Jackson wouldn’t trade him for anything or anyone. He had never known anyone who enjoyed blowing a guy as much as Corey. Jackson could take it or leave it unless it was Corey, but Corey actually loved the activity.

Here in Club Zombie’s BDSM room, they were on their knees sucking on a Dominant… looking for their third mate. So “suck me” wasn’t an outlandish request, but the guy’s tone….

“Come on, faster, you little bitch,” the Dom snarled, pulling on Corey’s hair.

Oh, no. Corey would not appreciate—

“Ow!” the demanding Dom hollered. He pulled away cupping his dick.

“Problem?” Alex appeared like an overzealous hall monitor. Granted, it was his role this evening to ensure the safety of all who played. Which was good but also bad, because Alex wouldn’t let anything slide.

“Fuck! He bit me,” Suck Me Now Dom complained.

Corey batted his eyelashes. “Oh, so sorry. Ever since I got my braces off, I have trouble—”

Oh, sweet Jesus! Jackson barely restrained the snort. His mate was not someone who tolerated jackass randoms who thought they were owed something.

“How old are you?” The guy clenched his fists and frowning, loomed over the very young-looking Corey.

Jackson stood to his full height of six foot three and narrowed his gaze on the would-be Dom. “Now it’s my turn not to like the tone you’re taking.”

“But that little bastard bit my dick.” He held his junk and gestured at Corey.

“To be fair, I think it was more of a tooth pinch….” How Corey maintained a straight face was anyone’s guess.

Mr. Dom sputtered.

The only thing that stopped Jackson from taking the asshat apart was Lafayette and Beau’s hands on his shoulders, holding him in place.

He put up both hands in surrender. “I’m good. You know me.”

They did, which was why Lafayette patted him on the back but didn’t drop his massive restraining hand.

Beau gave him a kiss on the cheek. “He’s not worth getting blood on your hands for. Corey doesn’t do gore.”

Jackson nodded, though he didn’t completely agree.

Alex examined the man’s equipment or as much as the angry Dom allowed, and concluded, “It doesn’t look like you need first aid.”

“It’s fine. I’m out of here.” The guy zipped up and left in a huff.

Folding his arms over his chest, Alex cocked an eyebrow. “Corey, he had teeth marks on his cock.”

“Oops.” Corey shrugged in a poor attempt at feigning innocence.

He was so fucking adorable, Jackson couldn’t help but swat him on the butt.

Corey moaned and cuddled into Jackson with a sly smile.

Frowning, Alex gave Corey an “I’m disappointed in you” look that did nothing except make Corey roll his eyes.

“The guy was lucky I didn’t chomp off his cock and balls.” Corey grinned with all of his teeth and clamped them together several times as if to demonstrate.

Cutter, Alex’s mate, sidled up to Alex and was immediately tucked under Alex’s protective arm.

“Hey, Cut. Sorry for needing your mate to supervise me.” Then Corey glanced around and asked, “Where’re Storm and Ulrich?”

“They scheduled a bubble bath with hand jobs… while we are here.” Cutter beamed at Alex.

Corey’s lower lip puffed out, and he sighed. All the teasing defiance leeched out of him.

Alex huffed out a breath, like he was gearing up to a lecture, and Corey must have noticed the direction had shifted, so he nudged Jackson in warning. “Jackson and I are leaving. Our Master isn’t here.”

“You mean our third mate?” Sometimes Corey switched topics and gave Jackson whiplash.

Corey shrugged as he tried to hide the despair growing in him. “You say mate I say master….”

“Sure. Come on eunuch-maker-in-training.” Jackson interlaced their fingers and guided Corey home.

 

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Location, Location, Location

The location of the story is crucial to how I write a character because places impact us.

I write stories set in places I’ve visited or lived because location determines so much about people: their attitudes, their use of language, the filters they see the world through, what they’ve had to deal with, how they deal with it, etc.

As with each of my stories, I worship atypical characters that are on the edges because I validate everyone especially though folks on the fringes. I find the uniqueness that emanates from differences intoxicating. Where the person is from determines the details of what they have had to deal with in their past and affect how they view current and future events.

Stereotypes, in general, suck. However, knowing what the “stereotypes” are in an area allows me to acknowledge what the person may have endured (especially if they don’t agree with it or have fought against it). It’s fascinating to me to figure out how a character is affected by the stereotypes they grew up with?

One of the most important things is how do my characters deal with not only what’s thrown at them but how people see them. What do they carry into the world with them because of the baggage the stereotype forces on them? How does this affect their relationships? Their mannerisms….

The Longest Night is set in Upstate NY (Albany). I grew up 10 miles away in Schenectady, NY so I’m very familiar with societal expectations/beliefs from that particular area.

One of the stereotypes I examined through this story is the heavy machismo overtones. My characters came of age with expectation men needed to be manly. (Probably in most parts of the USA, but I’m most familiar with the brand of sexism from this area and how it was translated in day-to-day life.)

So, while my character Benjamin physically meets the criteria of being a man’s man (big and muscular), he’s a sub. In his early 20’s, this stereotype encouraged him to meet the expectations society had about what it meant to be a man, but now in his 30’s he’s no longer willing to compromise who he is or settle for something that doesn’t meet his needs. His struggle happened before the story, so we only see the results and how he deals with them going forward.

Foster, the Dominant, has dealt with the opposite problem. People would see his slender, almost delicate frame as weak and the opposite of control. His struggle was needing to learn how to defend himself and how to dominate people who were much bigger than himself.

Turning these stereotypes upside down pleases both of these men. Benjamin is a sub and countering the manly man stereotype by submitting adds an extra kick for him. Foster gets a boost from dominating larger men. They both acknowledge the fetish-y nature of part of their attraction to each other but it goes much deeper than stereotypes Albany, NY force fed them.

Here’s a peek at The Longest Night

The holiday season is lonely for construction worker Benjamin Morgan, a big muscular guy who just wants to submit, obey, and serve. But the men he’s attracted to usually don’t have a dominant bone in their bodies. He’s done seeking his BDSM dreams with someone who isn’t interested in putting him in his rightful place—on his knees at their feet.

When a friend sets up a meeting with Foster Ridgeway at the BDSM club, Entiwned, Benjamin has his doubts. Of course he is attracted to bookish Foster, who works for the same construction company, but how will someone so small and delicate-looking master Benjamin? But when Foster--the tiny temple of dominance wielding a crop--heads toward Benjamin, he might get what he’s always wanted, just in time for Solstice.

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Why did I write Rocking Thin Ice?

I love writing about rock stars. I’ve wrote the Made in China series which is about a fledging rock band falling on their face while tripping into love. My first series the Dark Angels follows the antics of an established rock and roll band having wild sex, and finding love.

So hot rockers are my jam.

I have a couple of wonderful but tenacious Facebook Pretties who wouldn’t let a week go by without tagging me on a Johnny Weir videos. He is exactly the type of guy that inspires me to write about characters who are defiant, out to prove a point, somewhat broken, and yet sexy as hell. I started taking notes on my new plot bunny and his story filled my soul… and then the anime Yuri on Ice came out in all of its’ fantastic glory.

Not wanting to appear to be following a trend, I waited another two years to submit Rocking Thin Ice. After watching the issues Adam Rippon had as the only openly gay skater in the Olympics, I knew the prejudice Blaze faced on the ice was still a sad reality for today’s ice skaters.

Tapping into my own love of skating, I joyfully wrote many of the scenes based on my own experiences on the ice. I even announced my book on the ice while skating!

Rock stars and Olympic skaters do go together… especially when one of them as has a crush on the other since he was a teenager. Check out the blurb for Rocking Thin Ice.

Can a sexy rock star show a relationship-phobic ice skater that there’s more to life than gold medals?  

When ice-skating’s bad boy Blaze first glimpses Drake, every fantasy he’s ever had flares to life. Not only is rock star Drake sexy as sin, his songs awaken a longing in Blaze that he’s denied for years. But Blaze Parker doesn’t believe in relationships—at least not those that last more than twenty minutes. 

Drake Keys has dreamed about the sensual ice skater for years. When Drake is kicked out of his band because of his bisexuality, he drives across the country to finally see the man he’s had a crush on skate live.   

Though the attraction is instant and intense, both Blaze and Drake have baggage that puts any relationship on thin ice. Blaze is driven by a long-ago betrayal to prove himself a champion, and Drake, uncertain about the future, hopes to resurrect his music career. As they take a road trip together, Drake romances Blaze, hoping to melt his heart and show him that love is possible… but not without some tough decisions.

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Chastity Devices, Denial, and Release

Orgasm denial can be a part of BDSM. In some relationships the sub and Master/Dom exchange this kind of dynamic. The submissive foregoes pleasure because his Master/Dom demanded/asked him/her to. Orgasm denial allows the submissive to display a deep level of surrender.

 

Outside of the BDSM realm, chastity devices conjure up images of damsels in distress as their men ride off to the crusades while the women are home locked up and completely unable to even touch themselves. Interesting but was that real?

In the Telegraph, an article entitled Chastity belts: The odd truth about 'locking up' women's genitalia by Radhika Sanghani 18 January 2016 gives a very different picture of chastity and reality.
“Albrecht Classen, a professor in the University of Arizona's German Studies explores this in his book  The Medieval Chastity Belt: A Myth-making Process.
He explains that it is highly improbably men in the Middle Ages ever used chastity belts to control their wives’ chastity because it has never been documented and “would be contradicted by modern medical research…. because a woman would not even survive the consequent hygienic and health problems after several days”.
The first ever depiction of a chastity belt comes from a 1405 drawing in a work called Bellifortis. But as this book on engineering also features fart jokes, Classen believes it was included as a joke. Since then most other literary references to the belts are either allegorical or satirical.”

Starting as a joke or not, there are plenty of modern-day devices out there to keep both men and women chaste. As with everything I stress you speak to your partner and understand the risks and safety precautions needed to play within the chastity sphere.

Orgasm Denial:  WHY?

To some this is one of the ultimate power exchanges. The sub denies their ability to orgasm and willingly hands over their ability to control their own pleasure. It can be quite a mind fuck for some because it truly demonstrates in their heart of hearts how much of themselves they have surrendered to their Master.

The sub is denying their orgasm and the Master gets the sadistic boost of being in control. Only they have the ability to allow the sub pleasure. They are taking pleasure possibly quite literally while the sub remains unsatisfied. Many subs report becoming more pliant and willing to do anything the Dom/Master requests at the hope of getting an orgasm.

Over time denial can morph into becoming rewarding and reinforcing even without the gift of orgasm. Some subs are able to transfer their need into serving and pleasuring their Master. Their heightened senses receive intense pleasure from things people not in denial don’t appreciate.

Chastity Devices

Chastity devices for males are usually plastic or steel rings with a rod or provide a tube that fully covers them. Both cage the penis and prevent erections.

Sounds awful?

Many men describe it as a strong grip on their swollen penis, and the payoff when the device is off makes the denial addicting. Some subs enjoy the constant physical reminder that someone else is in control over their pleasure therefore over them. Feelings of submission arise and some even desire to feel owned.

The person holding the key is called the keyholder. (I wonder how they came up with the title?) They usually the focus of the locked sub’s attention.

Denial

Denial is like going on a diet. As soon as you start to eat healthy all you want is junk food. The absent of sexual release means there is a major focus on it or the lack of it. Many subs I’ve talked to say that being in denial usually makes them more sexual, and needy. The desperation makes them more loving and attentive to their keyholder/Dom/Master.

Release

When the denial is over, the resulting orgasm can be amazing. The sub might have a stellar experience which makes all the frustration worth it. The longer orgasm is withheld, the stronger it is… most times.

However, sometimes the sub’s body could betray them. The male can ejaculate without orgasm. It’s as if the sub’s body doesn’t know what to do so doesn’t provide the expected pleasure.

Or the keyholder/Master may decide to simply ruin the orgasm. There are lots of techniques to accomplish this: stopping all stimulation a stroke away from orgasm to pain. So the fluid pours out but the pleasure ebbs away. The keyholder knowing your sub’s body allows them to make the most out of the experience. I’ve heard of ruined orgasms described as an anti-climax and instead of providing relief only makes the sub insane with no or little gratification. And if the sub is male it could be hours for recovery to take place for even a shot at an actual orgasm.

The keyholder/Master may decide to milk the prostrate without pleasure. (Keep in mind stimulating the prostate and penis together can result in very powerful orgasms.) However, the keyholder can use their fingers or a prostate massager and simply stop the stimulation at the right time letting the fluid leak/flow out.

In the article Different Male Milking Techniques for More Control by John Published on April 10, 2015 various strategies are shared. This is an excerpt from how to have the male release his fluid with minimal pleasure:

“When I’m being milked, the ‘hollow pleasure’ of prostate stimulation is almost psychologically like a promise of a lot more pleasure to come (if you’ll pardon the pun!), it is utterly delicious in an orgasm denial scenario to be denied any pleasure but to have my prostate drained anyway, thus preventing any chance or orgasm in the next while (probably about 6 hours minimum for me)….

Keep the gentle rhythmic massaging going and look out for the point where you can feel the prostate and surrounding area contracting.  At this point, reduce the massaging and prepare to stop just at the point where orgasmic contractions are about to start.  In my experience there are two stages of contraction in the male orgasm—the prostate goes hard and contracts to initiate ejaculation and then the pleasurable orgasmic contractions (perhaps six or seven of them) follow. What you’re aiming to do is keep stimulation going up to the point that the initial (less pleasurable) prostate contraction is about to start, then cease prostate stimulation for a few seconds (5 or so) and then restart gentle milking to clear the fluids out of the prostate but all the time keeping stimulation below the threshold for orgasmic contractions. It’s tricky to do the first time but if you pause milking before orgasm begins you should be OK.
Depending on the male and how much extra stimulation you give him, this procedure will take anything between 10 and 40 minutes. If it’s taking a while then verbal reassurance that this is OK will probably put your man’s mind at ease, he may have been worrying that he’s not performing and find it a massive turn on that you’re spending this time to milk him in such a subtle and devilish way.”  (https://bit.ly/2NNRhkq)
Cheating the Device
Of course there are videos on any number of porn sites showing men in chastity outsmarting the device either being able to slip out of chastity or by using a vibrator or dildo to bring about an ejaculation. Though even this cheating pleasure is dampened not only by not staying true to your keyholder/Master but physically it usually isn’t a fully satisfying orgasm due to the device.

Always seek your own truth.

I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.

Many hugs,

Z. Allora