Interview with Zack Davis

BDSM is a spectrum. I’m compelled to explore the different facets of it through my characters.
Though everything I write seems to be kissed by BDSM, Lock and Key is my first official BDSM novel. I hope to celebrate the joy that can be found in BSDM.
I’d like to introduce one of my characters from Lock and Key. Please say hi to Zack Davis.
Z.: (smiles brightly) Welcome! I’m so glad you could make it.
Zack: (ducks his head) Hey, Z. Um, hi everyone. (Hissed whisper >>>) Z., I didn’t know there would be so many people here.
Z.: (looks around) Um, Zack it’s only me, and some readers.
Zack: Yeah, a lot of people. (Glances at the door as if he’s counting the footsteps to his escape)
Z.: So Zack, where would you say you fall on the BDSM spectrum?
Zack: (shifts around in his chair) Well, Lock and Key starts when I’m 18, but I’ve known almost my life that I’m a sub.
Z.: How did you know?
Zack: Um… (shrugs & looks down before peeking up at Z.) I guess I was 8 years old. It was late at night, but I was waiting for my older brother to get home. The Secretary was on TV.
Z.: The Secretary? That’s about the woman who discovers BDSM through her boss?
Zack: (chuckling) That would be the one.
Z.: Was this the first time you’d seen BDSM? And what did you think?
Zack: Well, yes and no. I’d always liked the Western’s especially when someone got tied up, but the sound of that spanking in The Secretary… and him micromanaging her… his control… I don’t know it did something to me. Everything seemed to make sense.
Z.: What happened?
Zack: (shakes his head) Nothing. I was 8… well, except I kept looking everywhere for more hints of anything that gave me a delicious nervous excited feeling.
Z.: How old are you when Lock and Key starts?
Zack: At the beginning of the book I’m 18 and I just started my first job as a roadie for my brother’s band. I put almost all the money I earned away to afford the crazy membership fees at Entwined.
Z.: Entwined?
Z.: (smiles encouragingly at Zack)
Zack: (bites his lower lip before answering) A club where BDSM dreams become a reality.
Z.: And did your dreams come to fruition?
Zack: (sighing he looked away and muttered) Z. to quote you my journey to subspace isn’t a direct one…
Z.: Any love interests?
Zack: (looking up at Z.) Plenty of playmates, but only one true love.
Z.: At such a young age…
Zack: I know it’s rare for someone to find the person they want to spend the rest of their life with at 18, but I did. (Hell, you married someone who you started dating at 18… and you knew right away too.)
Z.: (glaring) Insta-love happens… (Z. quiets a character from another book stating the physical impossibility of insta-love and quieting his detailed explanation as to why it’s actually insta-lust… Z. focuses on Zack) Tell us what it was like to start practicing BDSM.
Zack: Amazing (smiles dreamily) In chapter 2 I was sitting in a very basic BDSM class and I swear I thought I was going to come just by squirming in my seat.
Z.: (laughing) I know. To actually be in a place that your deepest fantasies are accepted by everyone and maybe even shared is… overwhelming. You no longer feel like you need to hide the part of yourself that most of society has labeled a sexual freak…. But Lock and Key is also about love, so let’s get back to that.
Zack: (sighing) Yes, it is. There is only one person I want to serve. My love for him made me desperate.
Z.: You’re young—
Zack: Not that young!
Z.: (back pedaling) So you were desperate…?
Zack: Hell, my thinking around him shrunk down to my needs and wants. I couldn’t think past my outright need for him. Even my breathing was about him and—
Z.: (leans forward) What happened?
Zack: He rejected me….
Z.: (looks away from the pain written all over Zack) It encouraged you to go in places you wouldn’t have went otherwise.
Zack: (shakes his head and shrugs) Yeah well… I have to, um go…
Z.: (nods) Well, Zack thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.

Rejected. Heartbroken. Devastated.
Zack Davis wanted to serve only one man, Andrew Nikeman. He was denied because Andrew thought he was too young and because their brothers were together. So Zack crushed his submissive tendencies and focused on being the perfect Dom, giving every sub he played with something he couldn’t have.
After years of denying his submissive side, Entwined’s charity auction “Are you Dom Enough to be a sub?” gives Zack an excuse to get a little of what he’s always craved.
Andrew doesn’t know when his infatuation turned into more, but it kills him to see Zack with a constant parade of submissives. He’d refused to jeopardize his brother’s relationship or become Zack’s regret; however, Zack isn’t a kid anymore, and his brother’s relationship is unbreakable. Now Zack’s popularity and success as a Dom might ruin Andrew’s dreams of collaring him, but he can’t wait any longer to confess his feelings or he risks losing the man he loves forever.
Buy Link

Hugs, Z. 

Perspective & Happiness: My Gift to You

 Most reports say 2016 SUCKED! It was a tough year. (I discovered if you cry nonstop you can actually burn tear tracks in your cheeks). Sooooo I'm desperately grabbing perspective and happiness with two hands as often as I can.

We will all exit this plane of existence at some point in time. The reality of that SUCKS but it also allows us perspective (if we let it). When problems of daily life get us down (if you're able) look beyond it does it matter.

Sometimes yes: if so what steps do you need to take to fix it? (identify the problem, what's the solution, identify steps to get to the fix).

Sometimes no: what can you do to let the irritation/upset go? (identify the entire upset, use letting go techniques >>> my preferred is reaching for the happy)

There are few things that are worth being truly upset about... choose what to lose it on.

Happiness:
Buddhists strive to accept suffering is a part of life.

I'm going to encourage you to choose happiness as often as you can. It's not always an easy task (especially if you've lost your perspective). Sometimes our reality is so shitty we can't see how happiness can ever be part of our world again.

Start small. Find happy in a beautiful color, in funny memes on Facebook, in the joy of helping someone else.

Allow yourself the gift of happiness as often as you can. Seek it out.

What's the alternative?

I wish you love, happiness and romance always.

Happy Holidays and have a great start to 2017!!!

Happy Holidays Isn't a Battle Cry

I know some people view Happy Holidays as if it's a battle cry determined to undermine Christian values. It's not it's simply my way of being inclusive. I grew up Catholic and I converted to reform Judaism... so I get the warm happiness one gets from sitting by the decorated tree with Christmas carols in the background sipping hot chocolate.

But I always used Happy Holidays because
1) Not everyone celebrated Christmas
2) I believe the more inclusiveness with inject into our speech our actions will follow (that whole cognitive dissonance thing is real).
3) There are a lot of holidays during December.

December, 2016 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days:
1 Eat a Red Apple Day
1 World Aids Awareness Day
2 National Fritters Day
3 National Roof over Your Head Day
4 Santas' List Day - we hope you are on the "Nice" list
4 Wear Brown Shoes Day
5 Bathtub Party Day
5 Repeal Day - The 21st Amendment ends Prohibition. I'll drink to that!
6 St. Nicholas Day
6 Mitten Tree Day
6 Put on your own Shoes Day
7 International Civil Aviation Day
7 Letter Writing Day
7 National Cotton Candy Day - would you like some fairy floss?
7 Pearl Harbor Day
8 National Brownie Day
8 Take it in the Ear Day
9 Christmas Card Day
9 National Pastry Day
10 Human Rights Day
11 International Children's Day - Second Sunday in December
11 National Noodle Ring Day
12 National Ding-a-Ling Day
12 Poinsettia Day     
13 Ice Cream Day
13 Violin Day
14 International Monkey Day
14 National Bouillabaisse Day
14 Roast Chestnuts Day
15 Bill of Rights Day
15 National Lemon Cupcake Day
16 National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
17 National Maple Syrup Day
18 Bake Cookies Day
18 National Roast Suckling Pig Day
19 Look for an Evergreen Day
19 Oatmeal Muffin Day
20 Go Caroling Day
21 Crossword Puzzle Day
21 Forefather's Day
21 Humbug Day
21 Look on the Bright Side Day
21 National Flashlight Day
21 Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year.
22 National Date Nut Bread Day - or September 8!?
23 Festivus - for the rest of us
23 Roots Day
24 Channukah - date varies
24 National Chocolate Day
24 National Egg Nog Day
25 Christmas Day
25 National Pumpkin Pie Day for recipes see Pumpkin Nook 's Cookbook
26 Boxing Day
27 Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day
27 National Fruitcake Day
28 Card Playing Day
29 Pepper Pot Day
30 Bacon Day
30  National Bicarbonate of Soda Day
31 Make Up Your Mind Day
31 New Year's Eve
31 Unlucky Day
((This was found at: http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/december.htm))

Happy Holidays to you!

BTW I wrote Happy Holidays to show the importance of sex scenes. I changed the title to Happy Holidays to make it more inclusive.

Buy Link

 

Happy Holidays Blurb:
What do erotic sex toys and Hanukkah have to do with each other?
Absolutely nothing unless you’re a member of the famous rock band The Dark Angels and the shy but kinky Robin gives gifts that guarantee to spice up the holidays!
Each couple makes the most of these unique gifts, blending love and orgasmic fun to REALLY celebrate the holidays.


Happy Holidays Excerpt: (The band is meeting via Skype to open Hanukkah presents… each present reveals a little more about the couple and their relationship. This is a snippet from Chapter 3, and it is NOT work safe.)
 
“Where’s Ang?” Dusty asked as he searched Dare’s section of the computer screen. Why the hell was Dare scrunched down in the desk chair at such a strange angle? Skype was working fine, because Josh and Robin part of the screen wasn’t askew.

Dare slapped the desk and opened his eyes. He slid his fingers across the table to grip the edge of the desk. “He’s here. Um, oh God he’s here.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Dusty couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Dare slammed closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “Mphf! He’s here.” Darius’s voice stopped on a broken moan.
On the computer screen, Dusty observed Josh leaning in close. Did he think it would help him determine what was going on?

Robin pulled Josh away from the screen, pressed his lips together, and giggled.

What the hell? Oh for fuck’s sake! Dusty wiped a hand over his face, slumped back in his chair, and folded his arms over his chest. Angel had no decorum whatsoever. “Jesus. Really?”

Groaning, Darius pursed his lips as if he could stop the grunts from escaping. Was his seat on fire?

Smirking, Josh asked, “So, is he coming soon?” He rolled the word coming out of his mouth.

Darius blinked hard, as if he were trying to focus on the question. He huffed a breath in and out of his mouth to capture some air, which appeared to be a nearly impossible task for the blond. “Yeah, soon. Coming soon.”

Dusty was positive Dare wasn’t aware or even cared about how he sounded. His chin fell onto his chest as he whispered something that his computer mic didn’t pick up. Dare let his head fall back. His hand went under the desk, but the way his arm was rising and falling made it clear to Dusty what was happening.

“So, how soon. Dare?” Justin asked as if he were innocent. When Dusty shot him a warning look, his lover shrugged.

“What? I’m just asking when he’ll be coming.”

Damn, The Dark Angels had corrupted his lover. Justin traced his fingers up and down Dusty’s thigh, reminding him of all the pleasure those fingers were capable of providing. Mmmm, he wasn’t stupid enough to complain about Justin’s depravity, of which Dusty was the sole focus.

Robin’s musical laugh joined Justin’s mischievous one.

A loud moan interrupted Dare’s sharp inhale. His knuckles were white as he death gripped the desk. “Soon. Soon. Oh, God. Now!”

“Come on. Damn it, Angel!” Hurry up so we can open the presents and use them. Last night’s chocolate sauce was a success. He and Justin had polished off the jar. He was a bit nauseous, but Justin’s satisfaction was worth the discomfort.

Darius collapsed back in the chair, roaring Angel’s name. His forearm muscles tightened, hinting that he held his lover’s mouth against him as he squirmed. He exhaled a strangled, “Ahhhh”!

“Finally! Now can we do the presents?” Dusty barked out to keep a straight face.

Darius turned bright red as the desk chair he was on was rolled back. Angel emerged from the bottom of the screen, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. He turned to the screen with an arched eyebrow, as if the bastard dared Dusty to say something smart assed to him.

“Come here, baby.” Angel lifted an apparently boneless Darius into his arms and turned to sit in the chair. Everyone stared with open mouths as if they didn’t know Dusty’s best friend was a pervert.

“What?” Angel finally asked.

Dusty covered his face. He sighed. “Nothing, Ang.”

Josh wasn’t so tolerant. “You couldn’t wait?”

Smirking, Ang shook his head. “We had a bet.”

“Which was?” No doubt Dusty would regret his inquisitiveness.

Angel kissed Darius’s face. “That I could make my baby orgasm while he was on Skype with you jackasses.”

Darius sheepishly grinned at the computer camera. For God’s sake, he appeared too satisfied to feel any shame,and he didn’t have on any pants. Angel has corruptedDare. “I lost.”

Dusty rolled his eyes. Lost? “It seems to be a win-win bet for both of you.”

Snorting, the guitar player shrugged. “Yeah, it was a bet that losing didn’t entail any negative consequences.”

“So, what’s your forfeit?” Justin asked.

“I get to use whatever the present is on Angel.” Darius’ face held a dreamy relaxed quality as he stared up at the asshole.

Josh clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “Oh, really? Well, okay then!”

“What?” Angel sat up and glanced over at the present bag at the corner of their section of screen. Ah, finally. Good to see Angel a tad worried.

Dusty watched Josh, waiting for the entertainment to unfold.

Turning to Robin, Josh must have gotten the go ahead, because he told them what present was next. “Well, I think it’s time to open the long, thin, white package, my friends.”

Yes! Dusty reached in the bag immediately and spoke over Josh’s impression of a cackling loon. “Ang, you’re in trouble this time.”

Still sitting in Angel’s lap, Darius unwrapped, and then snapped the riding chop against the desk.

“Ang, you feeling okay? You appear a bit pale.” Dusty chortled.

Darius jumped up to pull on his shorts. Damn, that was a view Dusty could’ve done without. The next thing the guy did was priceless. He slapped the side of Angel’s ass with the riding crop.

“Up. I lost the bet.” Dare’s eyes sparkled as he winked at the screen.

Heehee! Go Dare!

“No. Ow! Fuck, Dare!” Angel whined as Darius slapped his thigh with the crop. “This doesn’t seem fair, if I won the bet.”

Dusty whooped out loud. Darius’s grin screamed that Angel was in a bind.

“Dusty, help me!” Ang stared at the screen.

Laughing harder, Dusty ponied up a suggestion. “Buck up and enjoy your winnings, Ang.”

How to F*ck a Transgender Person

Okay... everyone deals with sex differently.

Keep in mind it's only YOUR business if you are planning to go down that road with the person. Asking a stranger what's in their pants or how they have sex isn't something that's done. However, when you're going to have sex with a person this is when the questions become important. For some people whether they are cisgender (their assigned sex at birth matches their gender identity) or transgender (their assigned sex at birth doesn't match their gender identity) questions about sex can be uncomfortable, so always proceed with care >>> which includes how you ask the questions.

Here's a video by Davy Wavy

It's important to remember that different things feel good to different people. So your ex may have LOVED when you did that kinky little thing with your big toe >>> your current love may not find it amusing at all!

Mr. Google is a great place to find basic information to help you form your questions. I wrote a blog post about the hot button topic of surgeries someone who is transgender may or may not have/want. Again, information is key. It was my hope to assist you in building a foundation to put the knowledge you learn from various sources into a framework.

I think sex is a subject people should be more comfortable with in the abstract then maybe when it comes down to specifics about the activity itself with the partner(s) of your choice it might be easier.

Illusions & Dreams is about two sets of best friends who are very different. Two of the characters  are transgender and are on opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything.  They desire extremely different things in terms of what they were looking for in a partner, how they expressed themselves, what they wanted sexually and what they thought of affirmation surgery. 

If you know me you know I don't shy away from sex and think fade to black is cheating. So there are several scenes depicting a variety of sexual activities: masturbation to sweet sex to kinky sex... because everyone is individual.

I hope the biggest take away from this post is: Everyone has different needs and desires and use care finding out how to best satisfy your partner.

Major Hugs, Z.

Gender queer

Here's a basic gender queer video: 

This next section was ripped from Psychology Today: The Price of Conforming to Gender Norms.

"The man appears to be neither masculine nor feminine-–he is both. This may be disturbing to some, liberating to others. It is useful for us to reflect on our own perceptions and values with respect to what society considers appropriate as “male” and “female.”

People who don't fit into either masculine or feminine gender roles often call themselves "gender queer." The gender queer believe being masculine or feminine is something we learn living in our particular society-–masculinity and femininity are not determined by our biological sex. Being a male doesn’t make us masculine; being a female doesn’t make us feminine.

We learn how to behave in a masculine or feminine manner through socialization.

Males and females from different societies are the same biologically. But different societies have different ideas about how men and women should behave. For example: in some Middle-Eastern societies, it is normal for straight men to walk about town holding hands-–it means they are friends. In Western societies, the same behavior means something quite different.

How is Gender Engendered?
These days there is a wide range of what is considered appropriate behavior for males and females. With the advent of the metrosexual and the man-bun, norms have certainly changed over time.
But some time-honored examples will make my point. As males, we may be taught at an early age to disown our nurturing side-–boys aren't supposed to play with dolls. As females, we may be taught to disavow constructive aggression-–girls aren’t encouraged to engage in rough and tumble play.

As we become socialized, peers continue the process our families started. Young children learn to put pressure on each other to conform to gender specific traits-–“You throw like a girl.”

By the time we are adults, we may not even be aware of how society has shaped our gender-conforming behavior. But we are all affected. We often police our own behavior. A woman may ask herself, “Am I being too manly by being a competitive and aggressive presidential candidate?” A man may worry, “Am I acting like a woman when I become emotional?”

Most of us are reasonably comfortable adhering to the gender norms of our society. But if we are not aware of the ways in which we are complying with expectation, we may reject an essential part of our self.

We should ask ourselves, have I disowned some essential part of myself in order to conform to a gender role?

Sometimes we are overly identified with gender-conforming behavior . . .
Kay is comfortable with her femininity but feels immobilized by her fear of appearing too ambitious. She hears her mother saying, "No one likes an ambitious woman."  She feels uncomfortable showing people her ambition-–the part of herself that identifies with her successful father. So, she hides her desire to succeed and suffers the loss of the crucial support and encouragement she would get from her friends, if she would only let them know.

Or we can overly resist gender-conforming behavior  . . .
Laura fears becoming like her mother. As a typical housewife of her time, Laura’s mother was financially dependent on her husband. She took responsibility for raising the children. She suffered quietly as her husband engaged in a series of affairs.
Laura modeled herself on her father. She is an independent woman who would not rely on any man. She has disowned her femininity. Although she married, she keeps her husband at an emotional distance. Now she finds herself desiring an affair with a man she fantasizes will take care of her. This affair would allow her to realize her feminine side, while avoiding feeling too emotionally vulnerable with her husband.

Awareness is Key
Whether we conform to, or resist, gender norms, they play a role in how we see and judge ourselves. They also influence how we perceive others. They impact our behavior whether we are aware of them or not. If we are going to be subjected to such powerful influences, we need to reflect on the ways in which they impact us. Without doing so, we may be prevented from realizing our true potential.
By David Braucher, L.C.S.W., Ph.D.
((https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201610/the-price-conforming-gender-norms))