Ladybugs...

So why is it when I see a ladybug I feel like it's all going to be okay?

When I was little my mother and I would find ladybugs in harm's way. We would transport them to a flower bush, shrub or tree. It's just one of those happy little memories you keep from childhood that makes feel safe and secure.

I was a director running two different Day Programs for individuals with developmental disabilities and mental health issues. The County always gave us the most difficult people. But with the help of my wonderful staff we were able to enhance and enrich the quality of their lives through volunteer and work placements.

After the death of my mother I was barely functioning. But I didn't have the luxury of curling up into a ball and hiding. Sixty-five staff and fifty individuals I was serving depended on me. I would literally go back and forth between programs to simply cry hysterically in the car on the drive over. (Of course, I doubt my red eyes and blotchy face hid my misery but I tried). Whenever dark thoughts invaded (which was most of the time) I would find a ladybug. I would find them in the oddest places. one time I was crying as I was cleaning my kitchen and I opened the freezer to see one inside. I found 57 little spotted friends from Oct 22nd to April.

Anyway, on one of my sad rides between programs, I was weeping and screaming (I was angry. I felt betrayed. I was devastated.)  I stopped at a red light, and screamed for my mother to tell me she was okay. That was the least she could fucking well do. I blew my nose and wiped my eyes cause the light was going to change. There directly in the middle of a crosswalk on a 6 lane road was a brand new lady bug beanie baby. I looked around and got out of the car to fetch it. No children were around (no real sidewalk). I remember thinking it was time to see a therapist because I was losing what was left of my freaking mind.

It wasn't the first time I saw a therapist. Therapy is a quite self indulgence proposition if you let it be. I don't believe in wasting money or time so on the very first session I spilled my guts… my bad thoughts, my anger and my fear I was losing my mind. I detailed every ladybug incident that had occurred. (Being rather good at reading people, I knew she thought I had diverted my grief into looking for affirmations that my mother was truly okay.)

So she is gearing up to guide me back to reality. Drop. I look over at her pad of paper, the one that had all my craziness scrawled on it… drop. As if the scene was written for Hollywood movie we both did a coordinated glance up to the ceiling. Inside the light, all around the light and marching in a direct line from the window were hundreds of ladybugs. She opened her mouth several times to say something and closed it each time. I pointed up and said "You see what I mean. It's rather insane."  She gave me a quick nod and ended the session. The next week, I decided I didn't need to talk about it because no one was taking my ladybugs away from me.

Through the years since I've had many interactions with ladybugs. They usually happen when I am in an ugly place, in crisis mode or in need of support. So my Pretties, two days ago when I was having some issues and a little spotted friend landed on my bathroom mirror... I felt the need to share with you. I believe in ladybugs and love that is so strong even death only delays the reunion but not the communication.

Hugs, Z.

Angel & Dare's Yaoi Con's Adventure

Angel & Dare's Yaoi Con Adventure is for mature Pretties only.
Be of legal age to continue. This is NOT for minors or those that will be offended by hot sex between men wearing aqua nail polish...  

Angel & Dare's Yaoi-Con Adventure

By Z. Allora (Copyrighted Oct. 2012)

***** This is a little short takes place between The Dark Angels: With Wings and The Dark Angels: Tied Together. Our sweet little Dare, guitar player of the rock sensation The Dark Angels, is slowly coming to grips with his new sexual identity. His lead singer Angel Luv has overwhelmed his senses and has brought him to Yaoi Con.  I apologize in advance no official editor has kissed it but some very sweet betas worked on it with me. *****

"I seriously don't know how you talked me into this!" Dare adjusted his aqua bobbed wig. He caught a glimpse at their reflections in the mirrored wall with an unbiased eye.

He and Angel were two guys who dressed in Japanese schoolgirl outfits to enjoy the yearly Yaoi Con gathering. Many of the attendees were into cos play so there were quite a few people dressed up. 

"Just smile. You look pretty," Angel whispered, teasing him as more pictures were taken of the two of them while they stood in the lobby of the large chain hotel. 

Darius tried not to stare at all the costumes, but it was impossible not to gawk at the aliens, scantily clad males and females, and characters straight out of the mangas Angel had shared with him. 

But none of the characters were as sexy as his lover, the lead singer of The Dark Angels. Darius tried focus on his surroundings and not get lost in the scent of his hot man next to him. It was frustrating to not to be able to concentrate but he was getting used to be swept up in his Angel-driven lust.

"Do you think they recognize us?" Dare asked quietly out of the corner of his mouth while eyeing the crowd gathered at the door to enter the dealer's room. The people were about the same age as The Dark Angels fans but they were mostly female.

"Worried someone will see you like this?" Angel arched an eyebrow as he adjusted their school uniform ties. He acted as if the answer didn't have the power to hurt him but Darius knew differently. Angel kicked out a leg behind him while kissing Dare gently on the cheek to the squeals of the people snapping pictures. "Are you?"

"Nope." It still hurt thinking about how his relationship with Angel had imploded on the plane coming home from Bali because he wasn't brave enough. "I'm only worried about a mob scene if they figure out who we are!" Dare whispered, looking around at the giggling masses. "But you don't think they recognize us?"

"They just see us dressed up as two schoolgirls attending Yaoi Con." Angel's hand skimmed down his back reassuring him.

 "Well, if you say so." Darius wasn't convinced, but no one was yelling their real names or the band's name so maybe he was just paranoid. His lover was right… as usual. Blushing up at Angel, he couldn't resist tugging him down to return a sweet, moist kiss to his cheek to the gush of female swoons. 

   Ever the showman, Angel grabbed Darius's hand to twirl him around, causing his little aqua skirt to spin up past his waist. 

  "Hey!" Dare pulled away to stop his skirt from swirling away his coverage. Angel had convinced him to wear a matching thong that was barely holding his junk in place.

   Angel grinned at him. "Now, I think they might have recognized us if we came as characters from my favorite artist maybe, but not like this…"

Grinning, Dare tilted his head as he considered the work of Angel's favorite artist. The lead singer had picked up several copies of her latest art book to have her sign. Dare had to admit the mangas were fiery hot. "Hmmm, you would have been hot as that Japanese mobster." Darius moved to stand closer to Angel, letting his hardness rub against his thigh. He wanted to remind his lover he wasn't an innocent schoolgirl and he definitely wasn't female. 

Angel purred when he felt it. "Mmmmm, is that a gun you're packing?"

"No, I am just happy to see you." Dare gave the appropriate girlish giggle when Angel nipped the tip of Darius's upturned nose. This was fun. Being with Angel was so much more than any other relationship he'd had… it was everything. Darius still had moments of confusion but there was never a moment he regretted being with Angel.

Angel stared off into space for a moment before grinning down at Dare. "You would have been wonderful as my reluctant little photographer." Purring he added, "You certainly gave me a delicious chase." Another picture snapped as Angel bent to kiss him right on the mouth, taking possession of his lips. The crowd that had gathered sighed and more clicks cut through the air.

When the kiss was over, a non-feminine snort escaped Darius as someone else took their picture. "Says the man who convinced me to wear a dress." 

"Hey, Robin got you to do it on Halloween. It isn't my fault your legs are killer!" Angel was completely unrepentant as his hand slipped under Darius's skirt. 

"Angel," he whispered as he tried pushing Angel's hand away from caressing his ass without everyone seeing. The task was a bit of a challenge, especially since he actually wanted his lover's hands there. 

Angel sighed dramatically. "Damn, I love a chick in a thong."

"No, you love a dick in a thong," Darius corrected. He was forever grateful for the distinction.

"Baby, your dick is the only one in a thong I want to love." Angel's purr went straight to said dick.

Darius chuckled. "How do you do it? How do you make such corny lines work for you?" He stepped closer and Angel's arm tightened around him as they continued to smile for the cameras.

"So it is working?" Angel's eyes sparkled with lust.

Dare sighed in mock disgust of his situation. "Always." He was beginning to get used to being helpless when it came to his lead singer.

The crowd turned as three other people dressed as characters entered the lobby. "See, now no one is paying attention to us." Angel pointed out the fact that everyone's camera was focused elsewhere. "Dare? Dare? You okay?"

His heart was racing a little as he snapped himself out of seeing his characters. "Yeah, sorry. But did you see them? I mean they dressed exactly like the characters from Crimson Spell." His breath was catching a bit at seeing his fantasy come to life.

An evil grin crossed Angel's face as he whispered in Dare's ear. "You want me to dress up and be the beast for you? I can wear body paint and little fangs." His tongue traced Dare's ear for a moment, causing a delicious feeling to tingle through him. "You can play the wizard who tames the beast with sex." His voice dropped into his sex octaves when he purred, "You wanna tame me, Havi?" 

Being called by the wizard's name caused shivers through Dare's body as his mind easily changed the kid dressed as the beast into Angel. "Oh. Yeah." Darius couldn't help that his voice cracked a little. He wanted to play Havi taming the beast that the prince was cursed with nightly. Angel would make a pretty beast... Little fangs poking out between his lips…

Without the crowd's attention, Angel ushered Dare into the dealer's room with a hand on the middle of his back. It was a huge room, one of three that were filled with tables of books, manga, art, and clothing for cos play and authors. It was a little overwhelming to see so much homoerotic art, magazines, and books in one place but Darius would be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued.

Dare had to admit it was nice to be out in public and not be rushed by a mass of excited screaming teens. Taking a deep breath, he scanned the room as Angel pulled out the schedule of events. "Bishie Bingo is tonight."

"Do I even want to know?" Darius didn't exactly like the sound of it. He had found out that a Bishie or bishonen meant beautiful male, though Angel insisted Dare was more Bishie than he was…

"Oh right now there are panels on Yaoi and Misogyny, The Art of Yaoi, and Male Pregnancy."

"Male pregnancy? Please tell me you are joking!" Dare's mind spun in all directions. In general, he thought he was doing rather well adjusting to his relatively newly discovered sexuality. Angel really had expanded his mind and opened him up to experiences he never would have considered before. But there were lines he wasn't crossing. "I will not be having a baby!"

Angel hid his grin with a pout as fast as it crossed his face. "You won't have my baby?" 

Darius kicked him in the shin and stomped away. Angel could be an ass at times. But heaven help him he loved the lead singer with all of his heart.

His eyes landed on a table that two writers shared. He shuffled around the crowd to pick up one book called Cake by Derekica Snake. 

Hmmm, it had three really pretty men on it. When did he start thinking of men as pretty? But they most definitely were… He read the back of the book as he felt his lover against his back. Dare couldn't stop himself from leaning back into Angel's heat as he skimmed the words. It was a dark romance—whatever that was—and it was about vampires. Angel loved vampires. He opened the book and it captured his attention immediately. Hmmm, was that even possible? I wonder if Angel would want to try that? 

Angel slid around his body to stand next to him, rubbing his cock over the top of his ass, as the crowd dissolved around the table. A friendly woman dressed in a butler's uniform smiled warmly at them. "Just so you know, ladies, I am running a special. Two for twenty and I will sign them for you."

"So you're the author?" Dare asked curiously. It was a little confusing why so many of the writers and artists were women, but who was he to judge.

The woman smiled at him. "Yes, I am Derekica Snake. Those are my boys from The Blood Nation series." She seemed too nice to write anything remotely 'dark', but just the excerpt was enough to prove she took her readers to places most had never been.

Angel rested his chin on Darius's shoulder. When Darius flipped the book over, again trying to focus on the words, Angel purred into his ear, "They are hot." Angel's breath tickling his ear gave Dare shivers down his spine. 

Dare smiled at the author. "We'll take these four." He handed her forty dollars he pulled out from his shiny aqua purse. “Can you sign them?”

Her smile lit up her face. “Of course.” She pulled out her metallic pen and signed them each with a florish.

Something white caught Darius's eye and he turned. He grinned as he pointed. "Look, Angel wings."

The author grinned. "Yeah, there are several Dark Angels fans running about in wings."

"Really?" Darius shouldn't have been surprised, he knew they had fans everywhere.

She leaned in as if she were sharing a secret. "Yeah. I heard seeing them perform is like watching Yaoi live." 

"That's just what Megan… I mean I have heard that," Darius corrected himself quickly, but he saw a spark of recognition in the writer's eyes. Shit! Hoping to change the subject he said, "So what's a dark romance?"

The author's cheeks colored a bit. "Love that's a bit rough. See this one?" She pointed to the front of the book. "He basically remade the redhead and he wasn't delicate about it."

"This a gorgeous drawing," Angel commented on the cover art.

The author beamed. "Thanks. I worked closely with the artist to get my boys just right." 

Giving her a sexy smile, he said, "Well, I'd say you got your boys just right." Angel rubbed his palm against Darius's backside and asked, "Don't you agree?"

Darius was too engrossed in reading passage of rough sex to understand the question his lover was asking. "What?"

Angel seemed to exchange a look with the author before rephrasing his original question. "Aren't her boys pretty?"

"Oh, um, yeah." Turning away, he hoped he could hide the blush he knew was staining his cheeks pink. 

Glancing down the author apparently took notice of his fingertips. "Oh, I love your nails. They match your outfits!" she squealed as Angel held out his hands for her to admire to sparkly aqua blue polish.

Batting his false eyelashes, the lead singer said, "Thanks."

Geez, even dressed as a woman Angel oozed sex. And people responded to it. Oops! He was responding to the pheromones and if he kept 'responding' to his lover he was going to tent his skirt in a very unladylike fashion!

Reaching out, Angel shook her small hand and brought it to his lips, "It was a pleasure to meet you." He gave her a noisy kiss on the hand.

"And you." She giggled. "You are really quite an angel…" Turning to Dare, she leaned in to say, "'With Wings' is one of my favorite songs. Though that's just our secret."

"We appreciate it, Ms. Snake." 

Angel led Darius away and whispered, "Remind me to ask Megan to send Ms. Snake tickets to our next show in this area." 

Darius was already texting the message. "On it." He needed something to distract himself from the lust that was coursing through his system. 

They meandered through the dealer's room and Angel purchased several more series, both graphic novels and some manga. After consulting a schedule, he grinned at Dare in a way that made Dare's insides clench with need. 

"So there are panels but the artists aren't doing anything until tonight. Right before Bishie Bingo." Angel's eyebrows wiggled comically. 

"Bishie Bingo? I really don't want to know, huh?"

"Probably not. Though I want us to go for a little while so you can experience it." Leaning over, Angel nuzzled that place on Darius's neck made him moan. "But first let's go to the room and take a break…" Angel's voice dropped to that sexy octave that made Darius want to run to the room instead of walk.

He opened his mouth to say something but words weren't necessary. He smiled shyly as he stared up at Angel through his lashes. Dare couldn't think of a thing to say so he just held his hand out.

Angel's eyes burned him with their intensity as he grabbed his hand and guided them to the elevator. People were in the elevator, so there was no fucking his lover up against the walls or stopping it between floors, although both ideas sounded perfect to Dare.

Once inside their room, Angel slammed Dare up against the wall to kiss him hard on the mouth. Those lips dominated his until he was moaning and pushing his tented skirt against his singer's long, lean body, searching for any kind of friction. He was moving against him in a hungry manner, his body begging to be taken.

Angel growled with need as he told him, "You are so sexy." The singer forced them across the room to the desk. He pushed Dare over the flat surface and ran his hands over the aqua skirt. Darius knew this position gave Angel a peek-a-boo glance at his feminine panties.

Darius flattened his hands on the desk, surrendering and letting Angel do whatever he chose. He seemed to have no resistance when it came to Angel. Sometimes it made him feel weak to have no willpower, but when it came to vices nothing could compare to his addiction for Angel Luv.

Large, strong hands cupped the satiny silk that covered Dare's cock then moved to his exposed backside. "Mmmmm, I am going to have this." Their eyes met in the mirror above the desk as Angel's fingers teased the material that disappeared between Dare's cheeks, just barely touching the flesh underneath. Angel kept lightly teasing until Dare was trembling with want.

Darius tucked his aqua wig behind his ear and turned over his shoulder to plead for mercy. "Come on, Angel. Please."

"Please what?" Angel slapped his ass once making the flesh jiggle. Dare grabbed the desk again. Digging his fingers into the wood, he tried not to shatter.

Darius moaned. He tried not to question the fact that he loved it when Angel went all Dom toppy on him. Before Angel, Dare had never realized he had a submissive streak that ran so deep. His lover really had opened up his world sexually. He was discovering who he was—and currently that was a slut just needing to get fucked. He wordlessly begged with his body, hoping to be put out of his misery yet wanting it never to end.

Angel's large, warm hand slipped under the front of the panties to fondle Dare's unladylike appendage.

"Oh, my God!" Dare gasped as he felt the silky material being pulled. It seemed to be taunting him to come. His lover's warm fist squeezed his erection until he was obsessed with having Angel. "God!"

"No, just your Angel," Angel teased smugly. On a softer note he added, "The man who adores you." Angel seemed to love turning Dare into putty. The singer's hand lightly moved up and down his lover's shaft. He seemed to love tantalizing him and making him beg for what he wanted. 

"Angel." Darius groaned out his name as a plea and presented his ass as his dick was caressed.

Angel slapped his butt again in response. The pleasure zinged through Dare's body and focused on his arousal. Not being able to stop himself he arched his back, positioning his backside for more attention.

"Mmmmm, you want more?" Angel stated the obvious. He pulled his hands out of the fabric before he pushed the scrap down to Darius's knees. The elastic resisted Darius's desire to part his legs further.

Darius's cock bobbed up, slapping the desk. He pushed his butt up, presenting it to Angel. He wouldn't have stopped himself from making his ass the perfect target for Angel's attention even if he could. It felt too damned good to let go and trust Angel to take them where they should go. 

His lead singer growled his approval as he used his palm to remind Darius of the sexual pleasure a bit of heat on his ass could induce. Biting his lip didn't quite hold back the sounds of lustful need coming from buried deep inside. He glanced up into the mirror to watch the sexy Angel Luv spank his ass. It was as if he were watching some hot porn clip from fantasies he didn't even know he had. 

Their glazes locked. Darius was losing it. Without a touch to his dick he was going to come. He didn't want to, not yet. He wanted Angel inside him. "Please, Angel. Fuck me," he pleaded desperately.

A slow smile crawled over the taller man's face as his hands caressed the sexy soreness. "Your wish…" His lover dropped to his knees and pressed that talented tongue between Darius's reddened ass cheeks.

"Argh!" That wicked pleasure was not helping Darius maintain his need to hold back. Long, wet licks opened him up so he would be ready to receive his lover. 

Just when Darius had decided he was more than ready to lose the battle of his self control, Angel pulled back to stand up.

Darius frowned at the loss of stimulation and opened his mouth to complain. But Angel slapped his ass once before pushing into him in one long hot stroke of fire. 

Dare grunted at the abrupt entry but closed his eyes to savor the burning stretch. He had learned to love that little bite of pain before it turned to all scorching hot pleasure. He froze in place, waiting for more. He could never, would never get enough of Angel.

Opening his eyes, he wanted his beautiful lover to take him roughly, as if he were in one of those dark romances. Seeing his lover painted with makeup and dressed in a schoolgirl outfit made him melt, but there was no mistaking Angel for anything but a man. A hot, sexy man that was all his!

Angel gave him a crooked smile, making his heart flip. He started thrusting in and out, forcing Darius to push back. Angel's large hands guided Darius's hips until he held them in place as he started pounding into him in the exact rhythm Dare craved. 

"Yeah, just like that," Darius groaned.

It felt too good to last any length of time. That was okay, though, they had all afternoon. Angel changed the angle of his cock slightly so it was sliding in and out right over his gland. When a large warm hand wrapped around Darius's cock, he knew it was over. 

The zing of orgasm ran up his cock as his balls tightened up. After a few perfectly timed strokes, Darius was shouting out his pleasure as it spurted all over the desk in front of him. His ass pulsing around Angel caused his lover to lose control. Dare loved the feeling of his ass being filled with warm cream and it extended his own exquisite pleasure.

When they were finally done, Angel leaned over his back to nuzzle his neck, nipping it. "Mine." The statement made Darius feel happy and secure in his place in the world.

Darius glanced up to see the love he felt echoed in Angel's eyes. "Yours."

***************

I hoped you enjoyed this little peak at what happened during their Yaoi Con Adventure. Hugs, Z.

Author of Happily Ever Afters

Happily Ever Afters...
Who doesn't like a happy ending? (Yes, I went there... how could I not?)  I believe life can be tragic and stressful without reading about it too. We all endure a lot of pain sooooo when I sit down to write how can I not write the fluffy happiness everyone of my Pretties deserves. If it was in my power I would wave my magic wand and give you only love, romance and joy. But atlas I can only do that to my characters... 

Hugs and Kisses and Wishes of everyone having a happily ever after (or at least a happy ending),
Z.

Death...

Death...
Has been on my mind a lot recently. I know not a happy subject. But death gets the final word on life and there's not much we can do about it (unless faced with a vampire offering us the eternal bite). 

But my Pretties, you don't have to rush out to meet it. Life sucks. I will be the first to admit that basic truth but suicide isn't the answer. I've actually been down this dark path was trapped there for several years.  

It was an ugly time. The death of my mother broke me. I was devastated. There was no joy in my life only absolute and continuing pain. I could barely breath it hurt so bad. Half my world was gone and all I could do was panic about losing the other half. 

 I couldn't find my way back to happy. I didn't even remember what happy felt like... my thoughts kept looping back to ways to relieve my constant misery.

There were days that the only reason I didn't exit life was I couldn't do that to my best friend and love of my life. I hung on for him... the other half of my world that fear was eating me alive about. Looking back, years have slipped away and I am pleased I didn't make a jackass move like offing myself.... who would write all those sex scenes for my boys?

The lesson I learned: When you can't live for yourself hang on for someone else. If you don't have anyone in your life to hang on to find someone: do it for the stranger you can give a kind word to, to the kid you can mentor, to a family member who needs you, to the place you can volunteer your time to make the world a better place.... 

I understand you're tired of sucking it up and hanging on to this miserable world by your fingertips but your death will accomplish much less than your life could.... Even if you can't live for you find someone/something to live for until you can live for you again.

On the other side of the most fucked up time in your life... you'll be surprised at the things and people you will find. I can't imagine denying myself the experiences I have in the past fifteen years. What a freaking waste it would have been. So I implore reach out, get help, and live for others until you can live for you....

Contact me or someone else if you need to talk. You are valuable.

Hugs, Z.

National Writer's Month

National Nov. Writer's Month


Greetings my Pretties!
National Writer's Month... I know this motivates the hell out of some writers but usually by mid-month many of them are laying on the ground seizing with pressure and writer's block. I truly hope this is not the case for my writing friends.

But for me NANOMO feels like an expectation.  It's assumed if you are a writer you will (or should) participate. It's like the expectation you have to have sex on your birthday or anniversary... seriously, I don't do well with societal expectations. Some might say I dig in my heels and do the opposite (yes I am stubborn but November's not the boss of me!). The pressure does not help my creativity in the least but I admire people to whom it gives them a boost... and look forward to all the amazing stories that will be produced because of it.

So what do you think about NANOMO? Are you participating? Is it helping or hurting your creativity? Do you like pressure in general? Do you have to have sex on your birthday?  These are my burning questions.

Big hugs, Z.